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What would you do ?

My best friend has a 4 year old little boy who is in preschool ... at his preschool they do psyche evaluations with all of the kids...

The called her in and told her that her son causes pain but doesnt feel bad about it ( I cant remember the word they used) ... He will hurt the other kids, break toys and then acts like nothing happen -- he shows no remorse... They also said that she should think of doing some kind of counsiling with him.

She doesnt think this in true, she thinks nothing is wrong with him.

But I do, I have seen him alot, I have seen how he acts with her and his baby brother and I have seen how he acts around me and my young kids... I really think what they said is true.

He is violent, throws things, breaks things, and he just doesnt seem to care....

I also have a 4 year old and I have a 2 year old... when they do something wrong ( like hit each other or break something) ... then they react, usually act upset over what they did...

I havent told her this and I dont even know if I should.... since she thinks nothing is wrong, she wont get him help...

I have always known she is the kind of mom who really thinks he cant do that much wrong ( I remember her telling me about when she visited another friend and talked about how the other boy kept saying he hit him, and she " just knew that wasnt true")

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on May. 19, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (14)
  • My (adopted) cousin did that. He was a sociopath. He ended up raping his adopted half-sister and is now in prison, thank God. They do not know the difference between good or bad, nor do they care. They have to be taught very young the difference.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:06 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • there is something wrong with him. My 8 yr old does the same things. he does not care if hurts his brother or his friends or even me. the doc says he is bi polar. and he has ODD. ( oppositional defiant disorder) we have called the cops out here so much. even they could not help him. you need to tell her to get him some help NOW, do not wait cause its only gonna get worse....he needs help bad.
    ashes27165

    Answer by ashes27165 at 11:09 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • It sounds like it is very painful for her. Hopefully, a real good friend can help her deal with the situation and help the boy.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:09 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Since she is your best friend, sit her down and have an honest heart to heart talk with her about what you have observed about his behavior. Reassure her you are not blaming her or the child, but give her examples of things you have seen. Even if she stays in denial, hearing it from a trusted friend may help her pay more attention to what he is doing.

    Good luck to you. If he is showing sociopathic traits, ignoring the problem will only cause more problems in the near future as he gets older and stronger.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 11:10 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • is the word they used pysopath? if so yes, she does need to be told your opinion, that is the way most serial killers start out. Just take her into getting a second opinion, it is a start.

    lamom2aj

    Answer by lamom2aj at 11:11 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Yuck. Unfortunately, I think a lot of parents are blind to what their children do...and they stay that way, getting worse along the way with defending the behavior.

    It sounds like he hasn't developed the ability to empathize...meaning he can't imagine what having those things done to him would feel like (i.e. he can break someone else's things without associating it with how he would feel if someone else broke something of his). At that age, it is not completely uncommon, because empathy is kind of a complex concept for kids who are usually "pleasure oriented"...they want to do what seems like the most fun at the time.

    I would probably tell her that it "wouldn't hurt" to follow up...that they "know what they're talking about" or that it would "look good to the school"...something that takes your personal thoughts out of it, but still might nudge her into getting him some help.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:13 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • YES -- it was pysopath ...

    I dont know if it is is "passed on" but one of my friends brothers is like that too ... he even went to jail at 19 for killing a pizza man ( he pled not guilt because he didnt think it was his fault)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:15 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • well thanks op for putting the scare into me... my nephew I've noticed has been acting like this. He shows no remorse for hitting, doesn't care WHO he hits. The other day he was over and he threw something at me when I had my 5 month old in my arms.. at that point I flipped and yelled at him. He'lll look mad at you, but doesn't feel bad about what he did. in his eyes it's actually YOUR fault. The only time he shows "remorse" is when he gets caught he will "cry" but you can tell it's faked, no tears, and the pouty lip, clear eyes, etc. Just because he knows people will cave with that look (he does the puppy dog look well, and YES the adults besides me DO fall for it). He's only 3! And when he gets mad, he gets this really scary look on his face, (sort of reminds me of chucky from childs play, that sort of evil pissed off face).
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 2:12 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • oh wow this is scary. you are in a unique position as a trusted friend to gently provide the information to her in a way that doesn't seem like an attack and possibly get her to understand the severity of the situation and get the child the help he needs. I would imagine that the psych eval was directed to the proper governing bodies for further evaluation ( I hope). please talk to her and encourage her to get the child some counseling. present it as a positive. It will further enhance his positive qualities and help him attain his potential blah blah blah good luck

    nurse_maya

    Answer by nurse_maya at 6:41 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • I had the same issue as a child. For me it came from maternal separation and neglect. I'm not saying your friend is a bad mom. I'm just saying my adopted parents got me the help I needed. I had to develop a conscience. I can still be distant in relationships emotionally, but the point is I can be in a relationship without hurting the person. If I do hurt someone I feel bad about it. The sooner she gets the child professional help the better off he will be later in life.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 3:06 PM on May. 20, 2011

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