Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

What do ya'll think about this situation..

okay, so my mil's sister passed away almost 2 weeks ago at the age of 42, after a long agonizing illness. He husband whom she had been married to since 1992 stayed by he side throughout her being sick, through everything. Well, now just 2 weeks after her passing he was on facebook posting stuff and he needed to get him a girlfriend and go party. This pissed my mil off extremely, i mean she was her baby sister and the man she was married to for quite a few years just brushes it off that easily... when my mil said something to him about it all he would bring up is how she wasn't there as much as she could have been, but she has a life here she has to worry about too. It is just so hard to believe that someone could be on facebook 2 weeks ago talking about how much they love their wife and how sick she is and how much he wanted her to get better, and then 2 weeks later on the same facebook page start asking people to find him a girlfriend so he can party! Any thoughts on this?

Answer Question

Asked by lamom2aj at 11:22 PM on May. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (193 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Maybe he is lonely? Maybe he suffered through that illness in a way only someone who has dealt with his situation can understand? Who knows? He is not cheating on her...he is moving on. Sorry for your family's loss.

    Answer by BetcCarter at 11:26 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • He deserves to move on...but 2 weeks later and posting those things seems insensitive. But at the same time if it was long illness like you say he may have been wanting his "freedom" back for a long time.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 11:33 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Most men move on with their life quickly. They don't want to be alone. It's his life.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:43 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I hear about this happening a lot when someone was a caregiver to a spouse that died.

    I think that making a post like that on Facebook was not the smartest choice, it actually all sounds pretty typical. often a person's reaction to a loved one dying is to try and live like to the fullest.

    I know it appears heartless, but I don't think it means anything about how much he loved his wife. I'd call it a reaction that happens a lot.


    Answer by ItsMe89 at 11:45 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I agree with GomezMami. Maybe he felt like he was sticking it out to the end, but that is a lot to go through. If the death was slow, it is likely that he has had a relationship with an "illness" more than a "wife" for a long time. While I don't think that I would ever feel that way so fast, I REALLY try not to judge others because we all deal with things like that differently.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:49 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I can understand why your MIL is feeling this way. She lost her sister and I'm sure that she needs some time to deal with this. Him being on Facebook that quick looking for a girlfriend is definitely insensitive to all of the family members. Let your MIL talk to him and tell him to let her have a chance to grieve before he decides to get a girlfriend. The rest of the family probably feels the same too. It's all about respect for the rest of the family.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:01 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Everyone handles loss differently. Maybe he's just going crazy inside feeling alone and this is the only way he knows to handle it. I doubt he wants a girlfriend, he probably just desperately wants a distraction. He was there for his wife to the end, and at the end of the day that's what really matters. It was hurtful for him to lash out at your MIL, but he probably took great offense to any judgement on how he is handling this situation.

    Answer by Ashes0813 at 2:50 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • I think since he was there thru her illness he had made peace and accepted that she was dying. He probably did his grieving as he watched her slip away from him. I am sure he loved his wife and misses her, but he is probably lonely and missing having someone to talk to, share things with and such.
    My late bil and wife were married 28 years and loved each other very much. He had cancer, and when they discovered it, it had already went to his bones. A year later he was gone. She missed him very much, and she was lonely. She knew a guy at Church who has lost his wife, they started talking and then dating. 8 months later they were married. Yes, the family was very surprised at her actions, but then realized she did love bil, she missed him, and she had the right to go on with her life and find happiness again. She has been married to hubby 2 for 9 yrs, they are happy. He is a good guy and it is nice to see her happy.

    Answer by MizLee at 11:02 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • taking care of loved one who is too sick to be a true partner to her SO is exhausting, depressing, and done totally out of the vows "in sickness and in health, till death do us part" Death parted them. He's been lonely for a long time with her illness consuming his every thought. I think he deserves a break. He didn't leave her in her time of need, He didn't have an affair. He loved and took care of her. Doesn't he deserve to have joy in his life again? After such a long illness, he's done his grieving, he's said his good byes. It's time he took care of himself.

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 11:51 AM on May. 20, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.