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DD having issues with my saying I love you to SO DD

i was tucking in my DD5 and SO's DD4 the other night and I told them both I loved them and goodnight my DD said to me...no...you don't love her you only love me,Ricky and Tyler...my children...I said no I love everyone...and I said everyones name...I said i love all of you..she turned to my So's DD and said she'd MY mommy and she doesnt love you...I corrected her again and said I can love everyone just like she can love everyone...Well the next day when SO was taking his DD home she told him I love Crystal and Hailey and Tyler and Ricky...but Crytal doesnt love me...He told her I love her very much and that I even told him I love her...I felt soo bad...I just dont know how to explain to my DD that I have enough love for everyone.

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happymama02

Asked by happymama02 at 9:50 AM on May. 20, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 16 (3,162 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Wow that is a tough one. Do you think maybe she needs some time with just you? Maybe you should think about doing something with her alone once a week...even if it just a walk around the block?
    BetcCarter

    Answer by BetcCarter at 9:54 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Maybe,but his kids are only over here like 3 days a wk. I know my DD has told his 2 before this is her house and not theirs..I explained to her that this is their house to just like she goes to see daddy and daddy's house is her house this is their daddy's house so it's their house too...I figured some issues would arise sooner or later...

    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 9:59 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • I would explain to your DD that what you have is special because she (and siblings?) grew inside your body and helped to teach your heart to love, but that once your heart learned how to freely love people it wanted to keep going; so it just grows bigger and bigger to make room for you to love more people. Thank her for helping your heart to grow so big, and tell her that's why you love SD. Let her know that her heart will do the same thing one day.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 9:59 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Don't explain it show it and keep showing it sometimes the action speaks louder then words.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:04 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • sit your dd down and ask her why do she think you shouldn't love your so/dd.i sorry she's 5 i have a 5y/o grandd and she understand more than we think they do.just don't do something with your dd,take the both of them and share a day with them,cause now s/o dd is feeling like you don't love her now
    MADUKES402

    Answer by MADUKES402 at 10:06 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Since she has siblings she does understand the concept of being able to love more than 1 child. I would tell her that a mom's heart is special because it allows mom to love all of her children and they are all special to her in their own way. Then go on to say you love her because...(and tell her what makes her special to you) you love siblings because .... and you also love SO's DD because,......
    You could also turn it around on her and remind her that she loves many people (like you, SO, siblings, grandparents) and see if that will help her grasp the concept that you can love more than 1 person, and that everyone is special and loved in their own way.
    I would also make it a point to set aside some special 'mom/daughter' time with her and do things together or just talk and hang out.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:06 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Wow. That's just completely rude and disrespectful. I'm sorry but if my kid talked like that to anyone they'd quickly find themselves with no TV time and writing down how they would feel if someone said that to them along with an apology. What she said to that other little girl is just hurtful and I don't tolerate my kids acting hateful, spiteful and possessive that way. That had to crush SD's heart and you need to make DD understand that she can really hurt someone with those kinds of words. Talk like that is what causes bullies and teen suicides later on down the road.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I did explain it hurt SD's feelings...but DD has a right to express her feelings and this was the first time she had said this so to punish her for expressing her feelings would be wrong...she is only 5 and is having to adjust to other children who are not mine taking even more of my attention from her...I try to do family things so EVERYONE is involved and then I try to do things with them individualy as well...but that's hard with 5 kids...so I usually pair em up...the girls can lay in bed with me and watch tv that kind of thing...then i do something with the boys...When SO kids are not here..she does get more attention from me...so she's just going to have to get used to it.
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 9:14 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • That's not expressing her feelings. That is just being mean. If she's jealous or feels like she doesn't get enough time with you then she needs to tell you that in private instead of be mean to SD. I don't punish my kids for expressing their feelings. I punish my kids for going about it the wrong way. If they do it in a way that's very hurtful to someone else, correction is in order. I'm not saying don't talk to her about how she feels and why, I'm saying give her consequences for saying it the way she did in front of that other girl.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • She's only 5...if she were older and had a better understanding of even her own feeling then i would agree with you.
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 1:26 PM on May. 21, 2011

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