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2 Bumps

Did your parents get a divorce?

I am just trying to gather as much info as I can to help my kids through this. If your parents got a divorce when you were young what helped you the most? What did the most damage and what could they have done better? What did you really need to hear that you didn't? I am writing anonymously because some people on cm are just bashers and dont care.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on May. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (18)
  • Yes what helped was honesty and what did not help was the forced family fun nights when even though they were smiling they were still fighting. Mostly just be there for your kids.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:07 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • It would have been easier on me if my parents had divorced when I was 14 when their problems started rather than tough it out and wait until I was 23 to do it.

    There was a point during the divorce when it felt like my dad was trying to buy my love and support. I hated that.
    CraftingMama

    Answer by CraftingMama at 11:08 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • My parents got divorced when I was young. Truth is my mom was a crack head who cheated on my dad all the time, she never took care of us...we where sent home every day because we were filthy and in the same clothes for days. My dad had to switch positions at work so he could get us ready for school and then he gave her the boot!! He put up with the cheating for a LONG time but once the drugs ect came into play she was gone! Left him with tons of debt but he did what he had to do to protect us. I dont think my dad did anything wrong, and I love him VERY much for choosing to do what he did, BUT it took me a very long time to accept the truth about my mom. I am not mad at her anymore, she has been clean for over 8 years but there are things I wish she had done differently!
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 11:13 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Yes, when i was 14. My mom moved to another state, which I think was the most awful thing she could have done. We didn't deserve to loose our father because my mom thought the grass was greener on the other side. I think kids should be able to see their NCP more than 10 days a month, whether the CP likes it or not. After putting us through the worst kind of hell my mom decided that the grass wasn't greener and got back with our father.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 11:14 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Thank you, I wish I had done it 3 years ago when our problems started. My kids can see I am unhappy, and something is not right. But I am going to be the better person and not bash him. Not trying to shower them with things is good advice. I'm glad you shared you hated it, that helps!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:15 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • My parents kidnapped us back and forth from state to state. Then there was a long battle in court that stressed me out. They badmouthed each other, I couldn't call my mom if I was visiting my dad. I wish they would have split up when I was born. 29 years later and the hate lives on.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:23 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Wow, I would never do that! I'm sorry that you had to go through that. My soon to be ex is the bad mouther. I tried to tell him to be an adult about it, it will only hurt them, but it makes him feel like the better person, somehow. I wont ever keep their father from them, calling, visiting, I am hoping he wont try and keep them from me. I will stay in the same area to make it easier for us with school, visitation times and so they can see him anytime they like.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:28 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • The hate is what I am trying to prevent, I dont want them to grow up with hate or resentment about anything.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:30 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • I was 4 when my parents divorced. It never really bothered me that they split, but all the fighting that happened afterwards is what upset me. And the fact that my mom would always tell us what a horrible person my dad was and that he obviously didn't want us cos he cheated on her. No matter how u may feel about someone its never ok to keep ur kids from their father, or tell them he never loved you. Let them figure things out for themselves, otherwise it will cause a ton of emotional issues. Best of luck, I'm sure you'll do what's right you already seem to be on the right track.
    lalala09

    Answer by lalala09 at 11:33 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • I was thrilled they divorced. I didn't have to listen to all the fighting anymore. After the divorce they both gave me undivided attention. That was another great thing.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:35 AM on May. 20, 2011

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