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my 18 year old daughter has been leaving for days. What rules can I make?

I know its my house my rules. I don't want to kick my daughter out of the house. I am just very frustriated with her leaving for days, coming home late/early morning, she stopped going to school and will not get a job. I did stop giving her money and buying her stuff. I don't want to loose her I just want her to be productive in a positive way. HELP I am aware she is 18 and has the right to do what she wants. However she is still my child no matter what her age and I will never give up on her!

 
mommiedear

Asked by mommiedear at 11:53 AM on Dec. 7, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 14 (1,374 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • GOOD JOB FOR CUTTING HER OFF FINANCIALLY, THAT IS THE 1ST STEP.
    IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KICK HER OUT SHE IS PROBABLY AWARE OF THAT AND IS WHY SHE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU.
    SHE NEEDS TO FINISH SCHOOL!!!!! MAYBE SET UP A HOMESTUDIES WHERE SHE GOES ONCE A WEEK. AND TELL HER IF SHE DOES YOU WILL GIVE HER SOME MONEY AFTER EVERY SESSION. YOU MAY HAVE TO BRIBE HER, MOST WHO DROP OUT WILL NEVER RETURN. IT IS A HUGE MISTAKE.
    YOU MAY NEED TO SUCK IT UP AND KICK HER TO THE CURB, HONESLTY. TOUGH LOVE MAY BE THE ONLY THING THAT GETS THROUGH TO HER. GL
    sassy_brizzy

    Answer by sassy_brizzy at 12:32 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Best advice I can give (having a 19 yr old myself) is to lay down the rules. Its so hard when they are over 18 and just want to do what they want to. But thats the age. Remember when you were 18? I would set the rules, even my mom had rules for me when I went home after my divorce at 32. I had to be working, contributing in some way to the family, home every night or be locked out, and tell her where I was if I wasnt planning to come home. If I didnt she would call the police and report me missing. I would just tell your dd that when shes gone days at a time and you dont know where she is you will just assume shes missing and call the cops. If she doesnt like it she can go and try on her own. Believe me, even if she leaves, she will come back.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:56 AM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I only made my children tell me they would be gone so I wouldn't worry; however, I also made them work and share the cost of living with me. I made it fair and proportionate to what they made so I wasn't taking all their money just teaching them responsibility. You say she quit school but didn't say high school or college. If h.s. I would suggest she get her GED and get a school loan for college and go live on a college campus or with a room mate
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:22 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I did that at 17 right after I graduated high school. (i'm 19 now) my mom finally booted my ass out. I can honestly say, it was the best thing she did for me. I moved in with my dad but he's strictor that hell and i had to go to college and get a job and fend for myself.
    oliviasmomma09

    Answer by oliviasmomma09 at 12:23 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Laying down the law made my 18 ds move out. I think to staying out is tolerable if they are working, but it is very frustrating when the do nothing! I thought this was just a boy thing. Mine is now working, living on his own, and going back to community college in Jan. My husband was very very strict which made him leave but his is learning the hard way, he didn't have it so bad at home. Although he isn't ready to come back, he loves the freedom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • My rule was go to school or get a job.
    Take her house key away from her. so she can only get in when you are home.
    You have to make some rules up for her.
    She's grown. Grown people take care of themselves.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:18 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Well here was the rule as soon as I turned 18. I get a job full time or go to school full time and I could stay in the house. It was that or get married. You need to lay down the law and tell her that she'll be out on her ass if she doesn't comply with said rules. I know you don't want to say that but take it from me, it's a motivater and someday, she'll understand why you did it. I'm a mommy now and I understand things SO much more!
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 5:40 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • She is looking for the boot! J/K. I was in my mom's house when I was 22 and she imposed all these stupid rules. I had a job, I paid for my part of her bills and mine and such and I was responsible. She wanted me home by TEN, she wanted me to clean up HER messes (even though I never ate dinner at home, or even stayed home much because of work and friends) When I didn't comply, she changed the locks on me, and took my car even though I was paying on it ( her name was on the title too) My mom was strict. She did this all because she didn't like my boyfriend at the time ( now my husband of 5 years)...so push, but be wary of your pushing, because it might take you in a different direction that you though....
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 12:37 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Well you said it your house your rules...you can make any rule you want as long as you are the roof over her head. But I agree...school or work...lazing around like a fat cat or coming and going as she pleases is not going to fly. My son had to call and check in with us no later than 10 p.m that evening so we knew he would not be home and could lock doors and knew he was not dead somewhere. It is respect. But no more meals or showers etc until she is doing something to improve herself.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 3:53 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Well let her know she a young lady now and has things she has to do,you WON'T do everything anymore.And as far as rules go tell her what you expect and you don't run a hotel.Let her know she can talk to you,I kind of have the same situation with my son.
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 6:27 PM on Dec. 8, 2008