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Not in love anymore

Is there any way to come back from not being in love anymore in a marriage? My husband is in Basic training and he called me last week to tell me that he still cares about me but isn't in love with me anymore.

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Asked by vchristineg at 11:18 AM on May. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (86 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Well love is a choice more than anything else, and if he has chosen to no longer love you then I dont know what to say. The same thing happened to my best friends sister. Her husband went to basic training and saw all the other guys having a good time, being single, having women want to be with them, or talking about how they would, and he decided he wanted to be single and free of a responsibility of his wife or child.

    Answer by gemgem at 11:26 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • i'm wit gemgem on this one.

    Love is an action not a feeling...or more accurately a feeling that results from actions. We feel more 'loved' when we are shown. When there is no physical action, the feeling starts to fade.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:27 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • I personally don't think so but that is speaking from my very own experience.

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:28 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Cold. Can you just be friends? I think you need to start caring for yourself more, who knows he might discover you again. Just focus on you for now. I do not invest all my efforts into someone like that I learned to be OK with me.

    Answer by sweet11-12 at 11:31 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • I was depressed for three years and am just recently coming out of it. I can understand him not being in love with that depressed person that I was and hope that when we are able to see eachother again and he sees that i have changed then maybe we can work on getting things back to normal.

    Comment by vchristineg (original poster) at 11:36 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • OP, don't blame yourself! It's him, not you. When my ex (an Iraq war vet) gave me a letter saying the same thing, I told him if he wanted to know if the grass was greener, go ahead and let me know. He never thought I'd kick him out and was shocked when I called his bluff. We're now divorced, I'm remarried and never been happier. Good luck!


    Answer by 1smartcookie at 11:52 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • That's Man Code for "I'd like to nail some random chicks because I might die in Afghanistan."

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:56 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • I agree Fistandantalus. In marriage, you will not always be "in love".

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 3:15 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • I agree with focusing on you and what makes you happy. If you really want him back, don't chase him or beg for him to stay with you. If he sees you being a self-confident happy beautiful woman his original attraction to you may come back. It may be like another poster said him being away and seeing all the single men getting attention and having fun. See what happens when he gets back. But take care of you first of all. When you become confident in yourself people will see that and you may attract an even better man. Try to be happy alone before you move on. Good luck, and I'm so sorry this happened to you. Big Hugs!!!

    Answer by phoenixstar at 4:32 PM on May. 20, 2011

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