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2 Bumps

Am I being unreasonable?

So my ex husband and I have talked several times about our DD wanting a cell phone and because of my concerns, we've always decided against it. Well, we she came home from his house the other day, and he had gotten her one without me knowing about it. I am furious! She just turned 10 over the weekend and I don't think she is mature or responsible enough yet, nor does she have a good reason to need one. She's never left alone by herself. He did not put any parental controls or limitations on her use of it. He didn't even explain to her the possible dangers of giving her number out or sending pictures or anything really. Even though he's footing the bill, I feel like I should at least be able to decide whether she's allowed to have it at my home or not. Should I give her a chance or am I right to be concerned?

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soccer.mom

Asked by soccer.mom at 12:15 PM on May. 20, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 8 (225 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You do have a right to be concerned. But give her some boundaries with it and give her a chance. Good luck!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 12:16 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • It's an opportunity to teach her. It's not a bad thing.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:17 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • you can always confiscate it when she comes to your house. i mean, what happens at your house is your business..if he wanted it to be his business, he should have discussed it with you beforehand.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:17 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • I dont see a problem with it. My fil got my dd a laptop for Christmas and me and dh were against it. My fil and mil are divorced and he took the laptop to her work and she brought it for dd and had her open it so I couldnt return it by that time. I told them she was too young, and guess what? She broke it. I say let it go, and when she loses it or breaks it its not your problem. You can then say see? On top of it I dont know what your court order reads like? I would just not even bother fighting about it. In the end it is his money that is going to be flushed. Just make it clear, if she loses it you are not paying to replace it, nor are you going to help her charge it, or keep up with it.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:18 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • I would be upset too -- but just use the situation as a learning tool. Teach her all the things you mentioned and explain if she breaks ANY rules, you will restrict her use of the phone REGARDLESS OF WHO PAID FOR IT!
    BaileysMom476

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 12:19 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • He's probably trying to be the "cool" and favorite parent by giving her what she wants. I'm with you, my daughter (and any other future child) can get a cell phone when she gets a job and can pay for one. It annoys me to see these little 7 year old children walking around with cell phones that I could never afford. And for what? To look cool? To just lose it, drop it in the mud/toilet and mess it up?

    I've seen Disney phones that only the parents can program, there's no text, and no camera. It's pretty much just an emergency phone. The parents can put the numbers they want on it. That would be the only exception to my no cell phone rule. And I probably won't even get that.
    mrsziemann

    Answer by mrsziemann at 12:21 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • He should not have given it to her without your permission. I would say it is off limits at your house. I don't think that is unreasonableagree with BaileysMom though.
    BetcCarter

    Answer by BetcCarter at 12:25 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • I dont think it was right to not speak with you first about. Because of what my mom did, i'll probably do the same thing- I wasn't allowed a cell phone until I got my license (16 yrs) and i got a job, and when she knew for sure I would need it because i'd be out driving. Other than that, i really dont see why a 10 year old, or even a 14 or 15 years old needs a cell phone. Maybe it depends on the area you live? I don't know, but i think my mom's rule was pretty reasonable (although at the time i didn't) but i'm glad she gave me boundaries. I appreciate the phone more in the long run, and its expenses.
    DJsMommy610

    Answer by DJsMommy610 at 12:37 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • Make it " get lost" when she is in your custody.
    jcm62497

    Answer by jcm62497 at 1:48 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • He shouldn't have done that. You can tell him until you're blue in the face, but she has one now. All you can really do is talk to her dad about setting non negotiable safety rules for her such as not sending pics of herself and not giving her number to anyone but relatives. She can talk to friends on the house phone because I had friends just give ppl my number before. It's not a situation you want her in. Decide together what age will be appropriate for her to start talking to friends on it. Make the safety rules as well as your house rules for the phone clear to her such as no txting at the dinner table and what times are appropriate to use it. If she breaks it or loses it it's no skin off your nose. You get to serve her dad with a steaming bowl of "I told you so."
    MamaStuart

    Answer by MamaStuart at 2:52 PM on May. 20, 2011

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