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What should I do?

I have been married for 3 months. We were together 7 months before we got married. My husband has turned mean. He doesn't care to help me anymore, he doesn't really pay attention to me. He occasionally makes hurtful comments. He wants me to kiss up to him 24 hours a day or he throws an attitude and gets mad. I don't want a divorce, but, when I try to talk to him about what is wrong he gets mad and leaves and says he doesn't want to talk about it. I don't feel I have done anything wrong and I told him marriage takes getting used to, but it seems that he just wants to give up. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get through to him? My sister said I should just leave him and see if he cares or not, but, its not that easy....


Asked by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Dec. 7, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Marriage counseling, absolutely. For you alone if he won't go.

    He's being ridiculous, you know. Utterly ridiculous. NO two people are going to agree on everything 24 hours a day. My parents disagreed on many things, and they were married 53 years!

    He's looking fro a Stepford wife.

    I fear the two of you jumped into this too fast, only having known each other seven months before marriage...did you get married just because of pregnancy? It's the world's worst reason for marriage.

    And a beautiful house is the worst reason to STAY in a marriage...ever heard of a gilded cage? **smile**

    I really like TempestRayne's answer. He needs to take you AS YOU ARE.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Seek counseling, even if he wont go, yoo go yourself. But if you AND your sister are living with the hubby there is part of the problem. A new marriage is supposed to be an adjusting time for the man and wife, not the man wife and sister living together. NEw situations are always stressfull. It does take time to adjust, but I suggest you seek counseling and see what a professional says.

    Answer by vbruno at 2:06 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • i don't know what to tell you if hes not wanting 2 communicate with you i would do what your sister tells you. he could of cheated or something and has guilt bout it i would leave and see how he reacts cuz he mit want 2 be with someone else you never know i hope things work out for you

    Answer by butterscotch297 at 2:07 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I wouldnt want to give up and leave that easy. I would try to get him to talk, go to counseling, or maybe telling him that you are considering leaving and getting a divorce and see how he reacts.

    Answer by asholan_07 at 2:08 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I have a GREAT book I'd like to suggest, however it's written by a Christian and rubs a lot of women the wrong way. If you are interested in knowing the title and reading an excerpt, feel free to message me =)

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 2:08 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • No, my sister doesn't live with us. She lives about 5 blocks away, she just knows him pretty well and that was her advice. I just don't feel that I should have to pack up and leave my beautiful house to prove a point, but if that is what you guys think would help then I may consider it...

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:11 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I hate to say it but it sounds like you have an abuser on your hands. He may not hit you but he's emotionally abusing you by controlling you and requiring you to give him 24/7 attention or he gets angry. He won't change bc he probably doesn't see it as a problem. There is a book called How to Live with a Passive Aggressive Man. If interested, you might try reading that and see how to work around his attitude to stay with him and make it bearable.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:13 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • He doesn't really want 24 hour attention, he just wants me to be nice 24 hours a day (come on ladies, like that is possible) he doesn't like when I disagree on issues or speak up to things I don't like. He said it causes tension in the house.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • oh man. I am engaged to the same type of person. I told him once "you love me-this is part of me. now you can either get used to it and deal or leave-i'm not completely changing the way I am just because you don't feel like it fits you anymore-how about you change for me?" not that I actually expected him to-but it proved a point-he needed to chill out a little bit.

    Answer by TempestRayne at 2:23 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • So it worked? I feel I am very patient and try to always be in a good mood. Its just that I was a single mom for 10 years before meeting him and have strong opinions and a strong personality because of it. He has two sons that he rarely disciplines and are disrespectful. I don't let my daughter behave that way and he gets offended when I don't understand why he lets a six year old run our household. Thats part of the problem.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Dec. 7, 2008