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Was I wrong to end the friendship over this?

So, I had this friend. She wasn't always the most optimistic person, but she always helped me think realistically...for the most part. She used to be the first person I would go to when my husband and I were having problems. She was really good about letting me vent and keeping her opinion out of it. This changed quickly and it became very disheartening.

About 3 weeks ago I told her that my husband and I had started counseling and that the main reason we are going is because we can't seem to communicate well lately. She pretty much felt the need to speak her mind and not hold back...she told me that him and I fight like high school kids and that we need "to grow up." She then went on to say that maybe we (dh and I) should take up drinking or smoking pot so that we can calm down and have a discussion! Okay, we don't drink, and she knows this, so for her to suggest this to me just blew me away!! I didn't say anything about her comment regarding that, but I did tell her I didn't think she knew my husband or I well enough to tell us how we argue and that we need to grow up.

Anyway, she said she aplogized if she upset me and the conversation ended there. I didn't say anything else, and I haven't spoken to her since. She has commented on a few of my posts on Facebook, but I haven't acknowledged it. She hasn't tried texting or calling me like she used to either, so I think she knows she has upset me.

Part of me feels bad that I have just been ignoring her, but honestly, after that last conversation, I have decided that I don't need a "friend" who would suggest such bizarre things to "help" my marriage! Was I wrong to end our friendship over this? Should I explain to her why I don't feel the need to converse with her anymore or even hang out with her anymore??

Answer Question
 
MichaelsMom330

Asked by MichaelsMom330 at 2:50 PM on May. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,334 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • you should tell her how you feel. and if i was you then i would end it.
    Mrs.Ro

    Answer by Mrs.Ro at 2:52 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • Hate to break it to you, but she probably wasn't being as good a "friend" as you thought, anyway. She was probably thinking those things the whole time, and finally had enough and told you all about her opinions. I wouldn't bother with her.
    CeeCee333

    Answer by CeeCee333 at 2:53 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • I agree you should tell her how you feel. but you also hav to look at things from her view maybe she needed to talk about somehing borthering her maybe somehting happened that upset her and she wasnt feeling herself that day. Maybe she had alot going on in her mind. i know that has happened to me before where something is really bothering me and i have not acted liek myself. when i all i really wanted was to talk to someone and have them understand how i was feeling but thats JMO. i find when stuff like this happens it better to step out of your own shoes and try to see where the other party is coming from.
    Kambrosino07

    Answer by Kambrosino07 at 3:03 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • Ya, it almost sounds like she had enough and went off like a volcano. You weren't right or wrong to end the friendship in my opinion but take whatever you learned into the next friendship.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 3:04 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • I mostly agree with Kambrosino. Just based on what you wrote, it seems like she was always there for you to listen, but maybe you weren't always there to listen when she needed it. Seems like maybe she had a bad day or was going through something and maybe she got frustrated with listening and not being heard.
    Maybe I'm wrong with my assumptions, but either way, I think you should talk to her and clear the air. Good friends are hard to come by and they aren't worth losing over something that can be worked through.
    CJM_SHM

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 3:10 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • She was only your friend as long as she just listened to you vent about your relationship? True friendship should have been able to withstand such an infraction. I think you were wrong to end it.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:13 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • Maybe she was secretly annoyed that you vented about your relationship to her alot? Is she in a relationship? If she's single maybe she feels jealous of your relationship and thinks your complaining about something she wished she had? If she's got a man, maybe it's bad behind closed doors (could even be abusive) and if she's in an aweful relationship she may be very sick of hearing about "normal fighting". It's hard to say without knowing more about her. Does she drink/use drugs? Me and my SO quit drinking a year ago- he gets really mean when drinking. His friends are constantly trying to get him drinking again (which would ruin our relationship, but they'd get their drinkin' buddy back). It could be so many things, but I think it's prob something going on with your friend and not about you that she acted that way. Idk maybe she's goin' thru somethin' hard and really needs u. I would talk to her and find out what's really up
    phoenixstar

    Answer by phoenixstar at 3:20 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • It sounds like she has been a good friend to talk to in the past, and if so I would say your friendship at least deserves a conversation about what happened that day. I think you need to give her a break, and try to do some listening to her as well. Remember there could be something aweful she's going through and hasn't told anyone. I've always been a good listener, but I would never talk about my own problems before, it was hard to be vulnerable for me. I can talk about my feeling now, but before I kept it all inside. I agree that a good friend is hard to come by, and if you can fix this I would. Send her an e-mail and make sure you start out by saying " You have always been a good friend who I can talk to about anything...I was shocked, hurt, upset by what you said...why would you suggest that when you know we don't drink...Is there something going on with you that you need to talk about?" Friendship is worth the effort.
    phoenixstar

    Answer by phoenixstar at 3:30 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • I supposed I should add that I have always been there for her just as much as she was with me. Her relationship with her husband isn't perfect, and just a few weeks before our conversation she called me crying because she was ready to call it quits. I talked to her for a long time and felt like I was really there for her just like I always have been in the past.

    Also, this isn't the first time she has said negative things about my marriage. A few times she had made it very clear that she thought I should just leave my husband because I wasn't happy and never would be with him. I guess I'm just used to having friends who support my marriage and help me in a manner that would allow me to work on my marriage. This last conversation between her and I was the final straw for me as far as her negativity.

    Lastly, I definitely didn't vent to her ALL the time about my marriage. We've known each other for about a year and a half, and
    MichaelsMom330

    Comment by MichaelsMom330 (original poster) at 6:07 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • I only remember talking to her a handful of times about things. Maybe she felt like I did a lot more...but most of our friendship was based on getting our sons together (they are only 2 months apart in age) for play dates while we got some girl time.
    MichaelsMom330

    Comment by MichaelsMom330 (original poster) at 6:08 PM on May. 20, 2011

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