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We recently completed a questionnaire about my 3 year old DD's skills for her physical... at the end it asked if we had any concerns about her development... I said absolutely not... because we think she is extremely smart for her age... but my dads partner said yes because she doesn't recognize simple words yet... I wasn't aware she needs to do this at three but then he proceeded to say I need to push her more because I don't want her to be stupid like me... He said this right in front of her... I was furious not because he said I was stupid( I know I am not) but that he did it in front of her... That was stupid to me... I never talk bad about any of our family in front of her no matter what my opinion is... But it still got me second guessing my parenting... She knows her abc's... Can count to 40... all her colors,shapes, animals... She follows directions very well... She knows a lot of words and what they mean... I think she is very smart... I want the best for her and I don't want to start pushing her harder yet because I want her to be a kid... What's your opinion?... How would you have handled the comment?... Am I right about her development or should she know more for three? Just what should she know at three...

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Asked by AyamiLove at 1:29 AM on May. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 12 (744 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • My DD is 3 and they sound like they are VERY close developmentally! And to ease your mind, up until a year ago I was taking her to get evaluated every other month. It was a free service offered at a preschool down the block from us and they always say she is WELL about average for her age! Dont worry about what some idiot says! Anyone dumb enough to make a comment like that is stupid them self! Ask him how he knows what a 3 year old girl should know, judging by the comment he made I doubt he is that intelligent! Your doing a great job and she is perfect! Dont worry! I also dont want to push my daughter because she is a kid, she has a year or two tops to not have to worry about school! But we do things like reading together, counting cereal ect things that are fun that help her learn!

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 1:36 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • She has surpassed my 5 year old!! I was told she was normal. Chill.

    Answer by Audrice1985 at 2:20 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • First of all I think you sound like you have very good instincts, you know and love your child best and I would follow through with what your intuition tells you. Second of all, the comment that this person made was both invalidating and ineffective which says to me that in that moment that person was being ineffective and so I would let whatever they said slide off of my mind. Keep in mind what they said was not fact and that it was judgemental and ineffective. Hope that helps :)

    Answer by Northwestchic85 at 3:13 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • Don't listen to idiots about your kid. Obviously you have a bright and well-developed child, and I have never seen any evidence that "pushing" a child ever did anything to hasten their development. Children are lovely organic creatures--they develop at their own pace and in their own ways. Relax.

    Answer by blackisbetter at 5:56 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • Your 3 year old does not need to be reading - or even have a handful of sight words committed to memory. I would have pointed out that reading is a developmental milestone that requires a series of cognitive connections to occur first. Those are not necessarily connections we can push. Further, I would point out that most children are not developmentally ready to read before they hit school age AND that studies have indicated early reading is NOT indicative of future academic success. Most (not all) early readers level off with their peers by the 3rd grade. I would also mention that pushing academics before a child is ready can lead to burn-out and frustration that royally back fire. Then I'd say "I would appreciate if you could refrain from making ignorant and judgemental statements in front of my child. I don't make it a habit of discussing your stupidity in front her and I'd would prefer you do the same."

    Answer by ldmrmom at 5:58 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • "Doesn't recognize simple words yet"?! I thought this was going to mean a delay in receptive language, like she doesn't understand what you say, which would surprise & concern me in a three-year-old, but that didn't match the rest of your message. So I realized he must have meant reading/sight recognition?!

    I consider that outrageous (it really blew my mind to realize what he was talking about!!) and incorrect. You can look up information on early reading (the problems associated with focusing on it & other academics) & also the importance of play in childhood.

    I can relate to your problem with his comment--that it was in front of your daughter. I agree that the comment itself is what it is & isn't inherently bad/harmful (because you're not stupid, regardless of what he says!), but it was careless, irresponsible & inappropriate. Hmm, "I guess I appreciate your concern but I don't want you to talk that way around my child."

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:19 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I think this person would have had a black eye and told to get the hell outta my house! (If it was your house...if theirs, then I would have gathered up my baby and left.)

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 12:09 PM on May. 21, 2011

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