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Why is it?

Why is it that is seems that adoptive parents don't support their children's civil rights to equal access to their original birth certificate. Birth mothers are fighting along side their children to allow them equal rights and yet it seems to me that their adoptive parents are not. They sight bmoms privacy rights while bmoms are continually saying that they were not promised privacy and nor do they want it. Is my perception wrong? Or,Is there a reason why adoptive parents think it's ok that their children are discriminated against?

Answer anon if you like, I'll listen.

Answer Question

Asked by onethentwins at 2:36 AM on May. 21, 2011 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,486 Credits)
Answers (37)
  • I don't know any mother here on Cafemom or in "real life" that does not support their child getting any information they want. I'm wondering why you feel that adoptive mom's don't support that? More information might help me answer your question. I actually know of more birth mom's that sign contact veto papers. My kids all have birth mother's that don't want to stay in contact at this point (my girls first mom at least seems to want pictures and updates even though she never responds) and my son's refused to give information about where she is.


    Answer by Luuckymommy at 8:45 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I know some adoptive mothers that are active in Adoptee Rights. I think one issue is the generation gap. Most of the APs of adult adoptees now are older and grew up with the whole BSE mindset of secrecy and shame. The amoms that know the importance of adoptee rights tend to be less active because they are raising small children. Then again I am very tired and emotional so this might make no sense.

    Answer by Aislin at 9:45 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • Obviously I can only speak for myself.

    There is not a thing in this world that I would not support and advocate for/against for DD if I felt that it would benefit her.....but honestly, I do not feel SHE is discriminated against. If I did, I could only believe that I would be the loudest, most demanding, most obnoxious person in the ring. If she ever feels discriminated against for this or any reason, I would be even worse. But, at this time, I just do not think it applies to her. Maybe it's because we have an open adoption and she has easy access to her OBC, maybe it's because I know that the BC that was issued after the adoption will never come into scrutiny to where she will be pressured to provide her OBC

    Plus I have never felt that BParents deserve any privacy from the children they adopted out. Do what's right for the child, not for you...and "privacy" is hardly ever right for the child

    I think your perception is wrong

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:25 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • You are making a blanket statement about aparents with nothing to back it up. Unless and until you can prove your statement, I call BS. Every aparent I know supports open records. There was a poll in the Adoption group, if you want to see for yourself.

    Actually, I know several BIRTHMOMS who oppose open records to protect their privacy. Should I ask a question asking why aparents are fighting side by side with their children while birthmoms are selfishly trying to protect their "privacy" at their children's expense? Of course not, I don't know whether these incidents reflect the majority of bmoms.

    Given your reputation, I wonder if you are just trying to start drama and malign aparents.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I completely disagree with your questions. I personally know several adoptive parents who are very open about doing everything they can to support their child every way possible, including looking for their bios. I have never met anyone that did differently. Where are your facts to support your opinion/statement? You must be typing about one isolated individual family.

    Answer by meooma at 3:23 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I don't think legitimately there are stats either way. There is no data bank by a central organized adoption record keeping organization through the government. And that's actually a shame. We have fifty different states with literally fifty different ways of legally processing adoption laws and regulations. What a mess! It would be nice to have accurate information and uniform procedures. It most likely would also create more accurate pictures of what adoption looks like in general. Until then assumptions from all angles can be made. I know mothers who placed their children who never want contact, both older and younger moms. I know moms through adoption who are open to accessing all information. It most likely is a wash. But what clues me in to the fact more people want privacy and hidden records - is the fact most records are hidden. As for the why's and who's I know not a single substantiated way

    Answer by frogdawg at 5:41 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • to bolster the claim on either "side.". My thoughts are it just isn't something politically most politicians care to spend time on. Look at AAK for example. I would venture to say many moms like her agree it does not impact their child to not have things like tge original bc when they have an open relationship and know the family of orgin. I is obviously an up hill battle to convince those directly involved in adoption. Now including those who view themselves as having no connection....very hard.

    Answer by frogdawg at 5:48 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • Thank you AAK. Can I ask you why your daughter has easy access to her OBC and that it wasn't sealed? Is it because you live in one of the 6 states that allow adoptees access to their birth certificate? Because in the other 44 states the OBC's are sealed even if the adoption is open. In CA my sons OBC is sealed but I got a copy for him before the adoption was finalized.

    Comment by onethentwins (original poster) at 6:42 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • frogdawg. It is a fact that 44 states seal Original Birth Certificates at the finalization of Adoption. Alaska, Oregon, Kansas, Alabama, New Hampshire and Maine are the only states that allow Adult Adoptees full access to their birth records and Kansas is the only state that never closed them. The is a law waiting to be passed in New Jersey. Fingers crossed for that one.

    Comment by onethentwins (original poster) at 6:55 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • meooma, I'm not talking about aparents not supporting reunion or helping in searching, I think most aparents do that. I'm talking about the fight to give Adult Adoptees equal rights and equal access to their birth records.


    Comment by onethentwins (original poster) at 6:56 PM on May. 21, 2011

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