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3 Bumps

How long will it take to adjust?

My husband and I just got married 5 months ago and we didn't live together before marriage. It has been a real adjustment period living with someone other than my 8 year old son. I'm clean but he is a neat freak. So my best really isn't good enough for him. I could list so many things that we disagree on but frankly I don't want to be up that late so here are a few.

Everything I cook he find something wrong with it. For instance, we had smoked sausage and I guess he found a couple of the hard fat deposits. So he kept picking pieces out while my son and I ate it with no problem.

We both like to shower before bed but he always takes long showers and uses all the hot water.

He complains about my hair all the time and says he finds it everywhere. His solution? He wants me to cut it short.

You know.......... when I'm typing it up it's really hard to think of everything but rest assure most of the time I want to bite his face off.

We were great when we had our separate houses.

Seriously, how long will it take to adjust to each other and what are somethings you and your husband still disagree on?



Answer Question
 
HollyBoBolly

Asked by HollyBoBolly at 2:56 AM on May. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,079 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • He seriously, needs to get over his self.

    Y'all can get a divorce, BOARD-LINE ABUSE, and can scar.... your child.

    If you were good enough before......you should be good enough now !!!!!!!!!!
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 3:27 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • Ohhhh weeee..... that sucks. I have had a roommate like that (I know nothing like a intimate relationship) and yeah it never got better. Once I got my pennys straight I left. The girl was miserable on the inside and I hated being there with her. I doubt it will change...so do what is best for your child cause do you want him picking up those patterns????
    Jazmineamomma

    Answer by Jazmineamomma at 3:33 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I never dated my DH so I may be irrelevant....It took us a year to adjust.
    Audrice1985

    Answer by Audrice1985 at 3:36 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • My first question is - did you move into his house, or did he move into yours or did you get a new place together? I know it seems like a minor thing, but it was HUGE for my husband and I. He moved into my house with my children and I and I was pretty much a B*&^H about everything he did there. Once we moved into a place of OURS then things were pretty good. There are always going to be those little things that make each other want to scream, but it will get easier if you really love each other!
    Something that my husband and I stillargue over is the laundry. He NEVER puts hislaundy away & it's everywhere! I can nevertell if it's clean or dirty, then he gets mad because he has no clean work shirts! DUH! put them in the laundry basket if they are dirty!
    shareleann

    Answer by shareleann at 5:59 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • With my exhusband, it took years. Eventually I just decided to let stuff go, he was a slob! I just started cleaning up after him. A lot of good that was, while I was busy being a good wife he was out screwing around. He was a living nightmare, still is! I lived with my exboyfriend for 2 years. After the ex, I was expecting the worst. Right away things worked well, we respected each other and were very patient with each other. Not that it was all perfect, I drove him crazy by putting the trash bag in wrong. I still don't know wth he was talking about. He left dirty socks EVERYWHERE! You guys need to talk, he's being an ass. Is he an only child? Actually my guess is the oldest, he's way too controlling. He needs to understand you guys grew up differently and need to find some middle ground.
    camiam81

    Answer by camiam81 at 7:06 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • Hmm seems like within a year you'd be ajusted. Give him a little more time. Talk to him about how you feel. Don't keep it bottled up. Maybe he doesn't realize what he's doing and just needs to be called out on it.
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 7:51 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • We didn't live to gether before we got married and it took us a year to adjust. Because we sat down and discussed things like cleaning and cooking expectations and responsibilities so those weren't issues, our biggest issue was sleep. Neither one of us was used to sleeping in the same bed as another person and both of us demonstrated sleep disturbances. He talked in his sleep and I walked and ate in my sleep. The sleepwalking and talking went away after a year. My sleep-eating continues to this day. If I get stressed out during the day, I'll end up sleep-eating that night.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:29 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • THINK WELL YOU NEED TO PROGRESS AND GOOD LUCK
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 11:10 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I agree, takes around a year to make the adjustment, but with step kids, might take a bit longer.

    I would say its time to have a sit down with him, and talk about things that are bothering you both. Try not to get upset. My husband complains about my hair getting everywhere, but he also loves my long hair. He's been warned that its coming off soon, though, as I grow my hair to donate to Locks of Love, and its at the point to where it just won't get any longer.

    *Hugs* give it time, and if you need, try to find a counselor or someone outside the two of you to talk to, like a mediator. Sometimes outside perspective can show you a lot about yourself.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:59 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • Camiam81 you are so right he is the oldest, as am I. His sister told me he use to make them clean when his parents left. His mom was a total slob. I know why he is the way he is about cleaning but it really drives me crazy. Im not going to divorce him over this.......
    HollyBoBolly

    Comment by HollyBoBolly (original poster) at 3:05 PM on May. 21, 2011

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