Should an Adopted Child Contact Their Birth Mother or Father?
Have Realistic Expectations
The question asked was, "What advice can you give to someone who is adopted and would like to find his or her biological mother or father? (including legal procedures)
As an adopted child I can only speak from my own experience. Unfortuately, I can't offer legal advise since I'm not an expert in that area.
First before you consider searching for your birth mother, birth father or biological family, it's very important to have realistic expectations. What are realistic expectations?
Your biological mother, father or family may or may not want to meet you and get to know you. Don't set yourself up for disappointment, if things turn out different than you hope.
If your birth mother or father are open to meeting you that's great. Keep in mind that your relationship with them could become very special but they will never be "your parents". That title and honor only goes to the people who raised you. No matter what type of realtionship you have with your adopted parents, they will always be your real Mom and Dad.
If your birth mother or father don't wish to meet you and have a relationship with you, let it go and move on with your life. (It's their loss!) Don't take it as a personal rejection as you have no idea what is going on in their life. What challenges they live with, how their family is or other personal issues. All you can do is respect their wishes and live every day of your life with out regrets.
Asked by Anonymous at 3:34 AM on May. 21, 2011 in Adoption
Answer by feralkitten at 6:34 AM on May. 21, 2011
Answer by Piskie at 7:16 AM on May. 21, 2011
Answer by aeneva at 8:46 AM on May. 21, 2011
Answer by Aislin at 9:38 AM on May. 21, 2011
Answer by susie703 at 10:42 AM on May. 21, 2011
Answer by Southernroots at 6:50 PM on May. 21, 2011
Firstly. I personally believe that birth parents have a responsibily to search for their adoptee children and offer them a choice of whether or not they want a reunion. But that has nothing to do with your question. Although I don't think your question is really a question but more of an opinion. I completely agree with you that adoptees should have no expectations and that anyone who promises an adoptee that they are sure their birth parents love them and are longing to hear from them are being irresponsible. There is an adoptee here on CM that was just cruelly rejected by her birth mother. It was very sad. If anyone who is interested in reunion and it's effects I have an Adoption Reunion group that's completely open for you to read and comment. http://www.cafemom.com/group/147
Answer by onethentwins at 7:16 PM on May. 21, 2011
Answer by kclarsh at 9:00 PM on May. 21, 2011
Answer by adopteeme at 5:36 AM on May. 22, 2011
Answer by Chelhaidax at 3:07 PM on May. 22, 2011
Check out some of the top posts today in Groups: