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2 Bumps

No bond with my DD5

My DD has a very strong personality...her and I butt heads like crazy...she will ask me a question like the other day...she saw a whatch for pedestrians in cross walk sign...she asked me what it said so I told her and she then started to argue with me saying no it doesnt it says no leaving your bike in the rd...there was a picture of a cross walk with a bike and a person on it...I said it may look like it says that from the picture,but it says what for people walking or riding there bikes in the rd. and she still wanted to argue with me....she does this ALL the time...it's to the point I dont even answer her question or i get annoyed by her...she also wants to do what she wants to do and throws a huge fit if I say no...SO was telling me he wants to form a bond with my children but it's really to with my DD...she is not pleasant to be around...I understand where he is coming from because i feel the same way...I told him if her father wasnt a drunk I would give her to him and get her on the weekends...it's that bad...now it does hurt to say this about my child,but I just dont know what to do...I've tried taking just her to the store with me and she acts worse then my 3 yo...ive tried taking her for an icecream cone and she still runs all over the place and acts up...I just dont know what to do with her...I want to have a bond with her but her personality makes it really hard...and it's not something I can explain to her...She is going to her g-mas for the summer and I'm afraid I wont even miss her...I am hoping the time away will help for when she gets back...I just feel like a horrible mom for feeling like this,but it's how I feel...so please anyone who is going to bash me or judge me don't because I'm already doing it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on May. 21, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (13)
  • Do you think she may have a behavioral disorder? Hope the summer is good for you both but maybe take her to a doctor and talk to them about the issues she is having.
    BetcCarter

    Answer by BetcCarter at 9:30 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I AGREE with PP. Do you think this is just a strong willed personality or maybe something more? I found Love and Logic classes have helped for my DH and I. Although my son is only 3 he is already VERY Stubborn and wants to argue with me.. I had bonding issues after he was born so I understand that lack of connection, although we have a strong bond nOw, I remember that torment of not having one with your own child. at this point, I would suggest counseling with you and your child to see how to form some type of connection or I can imagine this will only get worse.Good luck Mama....I'm so sorry
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 9:36 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I think you might need family therapy and possibly attachment therapy for you and your DD5. JMO, but the way you describe her father, you may be projecting your negative feelings for him onto her because she looks like him, is his, and reminds you of him. It's likely that you received such negative emotion from him that it's all you are seeing in her. It's obviously not her fault, she didn't ask to be born, but you know that already. Don't beat yourself up for what you are feeling, do something about it. Everything you need to love and nurture this child is IN YOU but something is preventing you from doing that. You obviously are a loving, caring, worried mother and I applaud you for seeking help instead of keeping things as they are.

    Part of it IS the age she's at. My sister almost went batty with the questions Why is the sky blue, how did the clouds get up there, etc. CONSTANTLY from her daughter. LOL (con't)
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:36 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • Yeah thta's what I was thinking...she starts kindergarten this school yr. I was gonna see if they had the same issues...I know she is hyper can't sit still even when she is sitting..she contantly moves around. She kind of reminds me of a teenager in some ways...whch is scary...she is always right..she likes to argue,She wants to do things on her own, She already tells me she hates me and slmas her door and says she wants to go live with her dad...when she tells me se hates me I just say okay,but I still love you and when she slams her door I make her re-close it the right way...I know I ALWAYS hated that...you want to slam it sooo bad and are being foreced not too...I'm just worried if I dont get this under control now I worried it will only get worse and I want to want to be around my child. I love her I just dont like her and that's something okay to say about a teen...not your 5 yo...this is really hard.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:37 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • My oldest son and me butt heads and I used to feel the same as you. He has Bipolar disorder and other behavior problems. You need to go get some family counseling and individual counseling for her.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:38 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I have 3 kids by my ex...hes was a douche yes,but I have a bond with my younger kids...I dont mind the questions i mind the argueing with me..dont ask me if you know the answer or if your going to argue with me..that simple!!! I think I'll call her ped and get an appt to talk to him about it...I know some of it is normal,but I'm not sure if it all is and I know she can sence I dont have a bond with her which makes me feel even worse and then I think maybe that's the problem but again I've tried to have just her and i time and it blew up in my face.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:41 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I know kind of how u feel my ds is four yrs old and we left their father in october due to domestic violence. since we left he has been extremely difficult to deal with and i think it has alot to do with not having his dady around. I dk where u live but in tx thye have childrens therapists that will see kids as young as 4 and i am setting him up an appointment. I know exactly how u feel about loving your child but having a hard time dealing with them at the same time. send me a pm if u need to talk more cuz i know what u r going thru and sometimes its nice to talk to someon who is going thru the same thing
    JrsMommy07

    Answer by JrsMommy07 at 9:42 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • Also, her going to her gma''s for the summer will give you a break, but unless you start doing something to heal your relationship & try to become closer to her over the summer, (phone calls, notes, care packages, etc.) you'll only dread her coming home and you'll still be right where you are 3 mos from now. Also, children are pretty perceptive. She may sense that you don't like her very much, so that annoying you first gives her control of the rejection. You can't reject me if I reject you first. Look up RAD (reactive attachment disorder) and see if there was any factors in your pregnancy and following her birth that could cause you not to bond immediately with her and therefore cause her not to attach to you. It may not be that serious at all, but it sounds like talking to a therapist might give you your life back.

    I'm a foster mom. I've seen children discarded because their parents didn't get the help they need. HTH!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:44 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • I know there are several people in my family with mental disorders...I have several uncles who are ADHD...a few people are bipolar and some manic depressive..so it's possible it could be a chemical imbalance thing,but I just dont want to jump tot hat's whats wrong lets medicate her.. dont get me wrong I would if that's what's really wrong...i will deff. see about getting her counseling...thanks ladies it is really great to know I'm not alone in my feelings...I cry about it all the time which shows I'm not heartless when it coms to her...I'm just frusterated and lost..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:44 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • 5 year olds are hard headed, little turds! My mom said she dislikes ALL 5 y/o and 9y/o because they are sassy and don't listen to anything you say. You should have taken a picture of the sign and told her your not going to argue with her, when you had time take it to the police department and have them tell her what it meant. Unless being a pain in the ass is a "behavioral disorder" then she is normal. Don't argue with her, she asks, you answer if she doesn't believe you then let her believe what she wants. If you take her out for ice cream and she doesn't behave then she doesn't get any, simple as that. You have to stand up to her or she is going to be running your house in no time. As for no bond, spend time with her just you and her often, give her a kiss before bed every night, read to her and be very affectionate the bond will come. It is hard to have a bond with someone you don't like. Good luck. :)
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:48 AM on May. 21, 2011

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