Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Lost.....

I am a stepmother to a 5 year old boy who lives with his mother who gives him anything he wants just to keep him out of her hair. He has no rules, or guidelines at his home and of course he loves it there. I am also the mother of a 3 year old girl, 2 year old boy, and one due this October. He HATES coming over to our house because of me, because I have rules, bedtimes, and we actually make him eat what is put in front of him instead of him getting the junk that he wants at home. I mean he even still pees in his dang pants, an no he does not have a bladder problem he has been checked, it is just him acting out. My 3 year old has not had an accident in 6 months...and mind you she only just turned 3 the end of March. He beats up on my children and I wont tolerate it. I am over him hurting my children because he is not getting his way. He seems to think that if he comes over and acts a butt we'll take him home....it never works for him so I don't know why he still tries. I am having a really hard time with this right now, I dont know if it is because of all my pregnancy hormones or what, but with the way that he acts and tells me that he hates me and dosent love me, it really makes me depressed and I am finding it hard to love him anymore(I know that is really bad but its how im feeling right now)....the problems have only gotten worse, and the harder I try the worse things get. I treat him just like my own, no different, and I always tell him that and he sees it as well, If i yell at him for running in the house I yell at them all for running in the house. I just need some guidance on how to approach this because I am totally lost....it is hard to talk to my husband about it...i mean this is his first born, his pride and joy....he knows he acts up and whatnot but hes always been more lenient with the kids...especially him....i just dont know what to do anymore.....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on May. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • You are just the woman his dad married in his eyes. It really doesnt matter how old the child is they tend to resent the step parent for whatever reason. You need to try and treat him the same as you do your own kids, and the fact you really dont like him is probably showing whether you think it is or not. You have to talk to his dad, or in the end the kid will get old enough to decide to not want to come over and your dh will be really hurt by this. I saw it with my own son and his now former step mom.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:11 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • When he says he doesn't love you or hates you, tell him, that's ok, you still love him, you just don't like the way he acts. His actions are unacceptable. When he acts out or pees his pants, clean him up, make him sit where you can see him for at least 5 minutes (one minute for every years of their age) with nothing to play with or do. He's spoiled and he needs to learn you mean business when you tell him to do or not do something. Be consistant. When he's been good, tell him you appreciate it.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 12:23 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • He keeps trying until he's 5. He doesn't see that you treat him just like you treat your own. He only sees you on his back every time he visits. He pees to have some sort of control since you are controlling everything else. Maybe you should chill a bit and just tell him "we don't act like that here" when he does things you don't like (which sounds like a lot of things). Why not pick your battles with him and not try to make him a Stepford Child all at one time? It just sounds like you are not going to let up off the boy until you break his spirit and that's sort of sad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • Oops, that should be He keeps trying BECAUSE he's 5.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • Sorry sweetie but you are not his mother. You really are just the person his dad happens to be married to and it sound as if yes your hormones are getting the better of you when it comes to this little boy. As the pp stated telling him things like we don't do those things here only makes him feel bad about himself and about his mom. Children love both their parents and he could be feeling like you do not like his mom therefore cannot like him, and he would be 100% right. Children are part of their parents and get half of their self worth from each parent. When you belittle, talk badly or even make snide comments like we don't do that here, it make him feel bad about himself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on May. 21, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN