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My hasband wants an other baby.. I dont.. getting into arguments... got any advice?

when we first met i had goals, to goto college , become an officer and travle.. I met him got engaged agreed to him being in the army and what not., 3 weeks later Im pregnant. I was horrible for me, i was ugly, had mood swings and he was in basic, moved to texas had the baby, hes in training, then off to korea for a year, now we've been living in the same house for the first time, he wants an other baby..
Ive been supportive of him, following him arouIve been putting this off for 2 and a half years, I want to go to school now, , ( continued on bottom)

 
NiekaC

Asked by NiekaC at 6:17 PM on Dec. 7, 2008 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
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Answers (17)
  • I want to say that having children wont slow you down unless you let it. I am active duty military and so is my husband. I am also going to school full time to become a doctor. Oh, and I run a business. I have a 4yr old and a 2mo old. I do just fine. I even have time to be responding to this post :o) If you don't want kids, you don't want kids... you can make all the excuses you want but it doesn't matter why you don't. It is your choice BUT you do need to take your husband's goals into consideration with your own. Both of you are going to have to sit down and work out a plan so both of you can achieve your goals. If you aren't willing to bend on having more children and he isn't willing to bend with wanting them then you may find yourself at the end of the relationship. You two are going to have to figure that out between you though.
    cat1622

    Answer by cat1622 at 7:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • &I feel if i have a baby it will slow me down. and when i go to apply I wont be in shape and the baby will be less then 1. He says he want a boy, he has 1 girl with me and 1 girl with an other chick( my STP DGHTR is 4). I want to make sure my dughter has everything i didnt. I grew up poor, I dont want her to grow up the same... hes mad at me and Im having a mental break down because if he keeps bringing this up Im going to file for devorce, Im THAT serious.
    NiekaC

    Answer by NiekaC at 6:17 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I assume you have talked with him about your goals in life. Maybe instead of saying I don't want anymore kids, give him a time frame. Example: I want to wait 3yrs before we think about having another child so I can finish school. Maybe your not so opposed to having any more children you just don't want to have any more right now. Open communication is the key but it sounds like he's not listening to what you would like out of your life. Stay true to yourself, reach for your goals, keep moving forward, don't let anyone drag you down. You can do it.
    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 6:21 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • he knows that If i get in tothe police I want to be in for a few years learn a few new languages and consider the F.B.I. so children, maybe not untill i get into the FBI .. maybe like 10 years...
    NiekaC

    Answer by NiekaC at 6:24 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Sit down and tell him why you dont want another child and agree to when you will try again. If he is unwilling to work with you then take the pill or get the shot and he doesnt have to know. When you are ready to try again stop taking birth control.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:25 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • why dont you sit down with him and tell him that you apreciate that he is ready and that you would realy be happy if he could wait until you are ready ... both of you need to want this for it to happen and not ruin any relationships
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 6:31 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • If you do not want a baby then definitely do not have one. Make sure you are taking your BC or get an IUD or something but there is never anything good going to come from you getting pregnant with a baby you don't want to have. If you can't get it through his head how serious you are and he refuses to respect your wishes then you may have to have someone else talk to him or try counciling or something. I hate to advise you to leave him but having an unwanted child is really really not a good idea.
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 6:37 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I was going to assume that you didn't want a baby because you didn't feel it was the right time or place and youre saying its because you want to give your child everything and you won't be in shape? If you don't want to have a baby, then don't, but at least let it be for reasons such as...um...well, we can't afford another one, or hes in the military and not home, or I just can't handle one or I just don't WANT one. ITs okay to not want one. Your reasons seem superficial and selfish, but nevertheless, their your reasons. Having babies is a mutual decision and if youre considering divorce over something so insignificant that you can't agree, then no...no babies for you.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 6:44 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • As superficail as they might seem, I dont want to have anymore children, His reason for wanting an other one is to get a boy, thats it... Being in physical shap is part of being an officer to ensure safty and to make sure om not gonna Keel over chasing someone.
    NiekaC

    Answer by NiekaC at 6:57 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I grew up around cops, and FBI agents, have seen what an agent has to go. Yes, you should stay in shape if anything else every "person" should stay in shape for better health and fitness (being in shape doesn't have to have anything to do with looks and those that say as much have never been in shape or know nothing about the problems that arise when one gains too much weight).
    I agree with the other posters that mention you should be on the same page with your husband about this. If you get on birth control, then tell him, and let him know you're not willing to have another child now or possibly ever and are going on birth control, also let him know he needs to be on the same page or you two need to talk seriously about your life goals (which may be different paths). My only thought is if his only reason is to have a boy then he could try to seek "another" to get what he wants if you're both not open and honest.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 7:37 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

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