Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

I'll ask again....

why would my 'ex' who moved out almost a month ago
claim that he wants to be a family again, 'ideally' but then go on to say 'but we don't live in an ideal world'

that makes almost no sense to me
he literally does everything in his power to keep us a broken family
I sometimes think because he grew up in foster care and then his grandparents raised him in his teen years the idea of family is maybe fearful??? but at the same time I think that if you would want it 'ideally' and it's completely realistic why not just continue having a family. why purposely make it hard on all parties including our son?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:13 PM on May. 21, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Sounds a lot like he is overwhelmed by the responsibility. His view on family is skewed by the way he grew up. He is your childs father so you have a lifetime of dealing with him. Kind of take a step back and reevaluate. Counseling might help. You need to know what is not ideal in your relationship before anyone can work on fixing the problem.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:29 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • He's playing games with you and stringing you could be the fear of family,but more then likely he's playing games.


    Answer by happymama02 at 7:16 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • He might feel guilt for the decisions he made, but at the same time..for whatever reason...he might want to keep those decisions he made.

    What was his reason for moving out? Do you guys fight a lot?

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:16 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • it's his way of saying, that while he'd love a leave it to beaver type of family setting, he knows it won't work out because he doesn't have feelings for you and he's NOT that type of person.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 7:35 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • Because hes lying. If he wanted to be a family he would be. Sorry but I think it is that simple. I call it as I see them. I have dealt with guys like this, thankfully I didnt marry them. I have a son whose this way also. He tells me all the time how so in so is so good she is just like his ex gf. I tell him why not DATE your ex gf shes been waiting for you to come back? He said point blank because I just dont like her enough to commit to her.

    Answer by gemgem at 7:17 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • Mmmm. Sounds like a guy who wants to believe he has good intentions...and also doesn't believe in his own power of choice and actions.

    Have you ever read "of human bondage"? The whole point of the novel is about a guy who lives his whole life like that, until the very end, he makes his own good choice and believes in tne power of his own actions...brilliant novel, maybe your ex should read it.

    Answer by Dkhilly at 7:19 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I basically shut down emotionally months ago, I have had a lot of stress in my personal life so when it came to interracting with him it would be pretty brash, and I understand tht it would take a toll on anyone. We got in one argument and that sent him packing.

    since then he has been sort of flakey, not showing up for when i need to go places, or do things. Important things. But for the most part we have been spending a lot of time together, with and with out our son. We are really really good together, but when I brought up him moving back home, he got all pissy and was saying "having a family is ideal" "we don't live in an ideal world' and on and on
    But he spends most of the day over here anyway. omg

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:20 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • Sounds like this is his way of controlling you and the relationship. He knows what you want, but perhaps he's punishing you by telling you he knows whats "Ideal" but he's not going to give it to you.

    If I were you, I'd cut off all contact until HE decides what he wants and is ready to follow through. If you keep allowing him this control it will only get worse. But before doing that, make sure you can live with his decision. If he comes back and tells you he's ready to move back in, you should work on making that happen. If he comes back and tells you it's over, you should have some support in place.

    Good luck!

    Answer by soontobestep198 at 7:30 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • dont know what a leave it to beaver setting is
    but basically what he shows and has said is he likes the fun-ness of us, as a family and a couple. So we do dates, go on family outings, spend us time together, etc. since he has been gone. But he doesn't want to discuss anything serious at all. I go to school a lot, I major in math and am working at the same time, so I think, although he doesn't say it, he does show, that it bothers him because that has been my focus. He has said that while I am finishing everything up he doens't want to be here because I am not aware of how my attitude changes.

    It's like he loves to love me, but doesn't want any responsibility...he wants what he has been used to, being a kid, but that doesnt work when you have a kid imo

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:51 PM on May. 21, 2011