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3 Bumps

Getting annoyed

My SO and I live together, and we are moving to a new house. We had many discussions during which it was decided that I would not work. Now, comments are being made that are annoying me and making me uncomfortable. For example, I told him that he needed to sign the lease, and his response was, "well, of course. I'm paying for it." And this comes up a lot. He'll saying something about paying for something and not being able to use it in respect to the house or items for it or something like that.

Now, I understand he is the one working and earning the money so yes, he is paying for it. But the comments make me feel like I'm supposed to ask permission to spend any money. Yet he spends money all the time without talking to me, even though we have bills to pay. And I'm supposed to be responsible for paying the bills, but he makes me feel, with these comments, like I can't tell him his spending is interfering with paying our bills.

I was married years ago, and though my ex and I had a horrible relationship, he worked and I stayed home and he never made me feel like this - it was always our money.

So I don't know if I'm making more of his comments than I should or if I have a legitimate reason to be annoyed and uncomfortable.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:17 PM on May. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I had this problem and ended up getting a job because the comments never stopped.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:20 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I'd be bringing up his comments and my feelings about them now. Establish the ground rules about money now.

    Answer by meooma at 8:20 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • ~*Wow*~... why are you with someone that treats you like that? *Hugs*

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 8:26 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I would be looking for a job on his off shift, that way he can take care of the homefront while you work so you can earn your money to pay for what you need. He sounds like an ass.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 8:51 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I'd tell him how hurtful the comments are to you. If he keeps it up, find a job and a new SO.

    Answer by soontobestep198 at 9:09 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • If the comments just now started, after it was decided that you wouldn't work, then no, you aren't making something out of nothing. But I have to ask, who decided? Was it mutual? Who brought it up that you wouldn't work? I'm asking because it sounds like he really does want you to continue to work, but doesn't want to say so. He's being passive aggressive. He's also being an ass. Say something. If he doesn't stop, then get another job. AND, point out what you told us, that even though you and your ex had a horrible relationship, he never made you feel this way about money and work. And neither should this man, who says he loves you.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 11:03 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I moved in with a boyfriend once and we made the deal that I would but all the food and he would keep paying his mortgage just like he would before I moved in. Every week for a year we fought....why because I was living for free and yet his mortgage did not go up but my food bill went up by $200! and he did not see it that way he saw it as it was his house and I was living for free and so I would tell him we are equal because he was eating for free. I ended up being kicked out after a year with my 3 kids.
    Now I have a husband who wants to support his family and says the house is mine(because I do keep it clean and cook all the meals) and the money belongs to the bills and he belongs at work

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 11:20 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I had a girlfriend with this problem. Her dh always resented her staying home and spent the money however he wanted. If I were you I would work just so I could have my own money. Maybe he is just stressed about being able to provide for a whole family.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 11:39 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • We fixed this. I work he picks up my check and pays the bills and we split whats left. I am horrible with money. I f I have it I spend it.

    But at one point my DH worked and I was a SAHM. He would say mine, mine, mine alll the time, so I started doing back. We finally come to the agreement that money is a petty thing and now it's all ours.

    Answer by Audrice1985 at 11:47 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • If he truly feels that it's his money let him pay the bills. That way he knows exactly how much is being paid on the bills. If you are moving into a house, it will probably get worse. I wish you luck.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:39 AM on May. 22, 2011

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