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2 Bumps

How Can Someone Do This?

I'm a kindergarten teacher and, on Friday, one of my students, a little girl named Abby, came to class looking upset and, a during lunch, she burst into tears and so I picked her up and let her sit with me. Once I got her calmed down, all she told me was that she missed her daddy. I called her mother in for a meeting Friday afternoon, to tell her what had happened. She said that, Monday night her husband told her that he was leaving her for another woman. He told her left the house shortly after she put Abby and their nine year old son to bed and he didn't even say goodbye to the children. Abby wanted to talk to him so her mother called him Thursday at the hotel he was staying at and let him talk to the children. Abby was upset and crying because she missed him and he promised he would come and eat lunch with her on Friday, but he didn't show up. She called him, after I called her, guessing what the problem was, and he said that something else came up and that he didn't really want to have lunch with her. He just said that so she'd stop crying.

She has tried to explain it to her kids but Abby is having such a hard time with it. She wants me to talk to Abby on Monday and see if she'll listen to me. She thinks that, maybe hearing it from someone who isn't so upset herself will help. This is only my first year teaching and I don't know what to say to this little girl. I've never dealt with divorce in my personal life and I don't understand it either. I don't know how a man can stand in a delivery room and watch his babies come into the world, help them learn to walk and talk, and hold them in his arms and rock them and tuck them in and read to them and kiss them goodnight and play with them and worry and pray for them and then, one day, decide that he doesn't want to be their father anymore. Even if you fall out of love with your wife, how do you stop loving your kids? How can a man look at a sweet little girl like Abby and disappoint her like that.

I don't know what to say to her. Has anyone else had a man do this to them? What did you tell your children? I told her I would talk to her and I want to help but I have no experience on this matter.

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Razzle_Dazzle1

Asked by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 10:24 PM on May. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 18 (5,775 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • when i was going through a divorce the school offered a program called banana splits to help kids with all kinds of grieving. does your school district offer any kind of counseling?
    mykidsmom86

    Answer by mykidsmom86 at 10:26 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • Aw that's so sad. Some people are so cold-hearted, I can't understand it either and I can't really give you any advice. You have to let the child know it's okay to be sad; let her know she is loved and cherished; let her grieve, because really that's what it is. She's lost someone close to her, even though he's not dead, in a way he might as well be. It's very sad and my heart goes out to little Abby.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 10:28 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • Does the school offer counseling for this?
    Hopefully after some time the father will be willing to talk to his children.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:35 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • ugh! I have a son and grandson in kindergarten and my lovely (sarcastic tone) did the same thing she up and left her son and her 3 yr old for another man and the kids did not see or talk to her for 3 weeks, she still sees the kids when there is nothing better to do. My grandson turned into a bully because he is so hurt and angry. I really wish little kids didn't have to go through this and you sound like a loving teacher who cares very much about her kids.
    That little abby is in for a lifetime of hurt from her father and it is sad.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 10:40 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I would also like to point out that I try to figure out the way my stepdaughter thinks and the thing is her own bio mom is a piece of crap who locked my step daughter in her room every weekend while she partied and told my husband he couldn't see his daughter. so the apple does not fall far from the tree. she was rejected and so her rejecting her own kids seems normal I guess and I am not excusing it just trying to figure it all out.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 10:42 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I meant to say step daughter in the first line of my first post...sorry
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 10:43 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • He should have never made promises even if she was crying this is something she will be hurting over for a long time. Maybe its time for the mom to get them all some help. God bless them all they are hurting so bad right now. another family destroyed by cheating.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:48 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I would just focus on saying that sometimes adults make mistakes the same way children make mistake, and that you hope he will do better next time. That it isn't her fault, and that her mommy, siblings, teachers, and classmates ALWAYS look forward to doing special things with her.

    Yes...he is a jerk for doing that, and the mother is probably going through hell of her own, on top of wanting to do the best thing she can for her children. It is sad that he doesn't seem to understand what he is doing to his children and family.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:08 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • my ex walked out on our kids.. I talked to my oldest (she's 3) a little about it. Told her bluntly that daddy left, moved, and I'm not sure if she will see him again. I told her it's not her fault, that her father isn't cut out to be a family man. I didn't bad mouth him to her (although trust me that was hard because I had plenty of things I COULD have said, but its not my place to name call in front of my children about their father). There isn't much more to say. The first week was hard because she'd ask about him... then she went through anger at him.. like when her nana (his mom) came over and he happened to call his mom at that point and asked to talk to tess (our 3 year old)... she wouldn't talk. Handed the phone back and told nana, "no nana, I don't wanna talk to my daddy, he left us, and i don't like him anymore because he left." Now she's stopped asking about him..
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:17 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • (this is all in about a 2-3 month time frame). When she first was told about her dad, every time she got upset I would distract her, play with her.. let her know how much I loved her, and her mama (grandma) and papa and both uncles love her soo much too and she always has us.. that helped a little.

    But yes, some guys are just jerks.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:20 PM on May. 21, 2011

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