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Dd 14 mad over 40.00 and her father dosent help...with broken promises..

so dd has a graduation dance in 2 weeks, she has to buy a dress its formal so she has been saving money she has 40.00 the dress costs 50.00 now she asked for the 40 yesturday to go to mall and buy necklace and earings and i know the rest would go to junk food. so i said no ur dress she said her father my x said he would buy the dress next weekend. now my x has many times said ill buy this or that take u here and there and he dosent so i said to hold the money till next sun if he buys the dress great well do the other stuff sun night when she gets home, if he dosent buy her the dress least she has the money to do it. i see it as she spends the money he dosent buy it now i have a dd with no dress money. im trying to show her to be resposible. and this is NOT her graduation dance its for the 8th graders she is 7th but allowed to attend. she of corse defended father and i said he was supose to pay for her glasses we made a deal i take her to app and pay the co pay he was to pay for the fram and glasses. now he isent. he dose not give me alot in child suport 60.00 a week. its not threw court. i told dh that x keeps being an ass when the glasses come more then 60 im maken him pay me the out of pocket if not then i will go to courts to get money that will cover a 14 yr old. ( between pictures, lunch, clothes, projects, u name it ) so again trying to expline to dd to wait is impossible and almost unliveable. what to do....

Answer Question
 
tabbys4

Asked by tabbys4 at 10:01 AM on May. 22, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 16 (2,696 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • You dont do anything. My 1st ex walked out on his 3 kids with me in 1998. He also is always promising things and never comes through. I sheltered mine from his BS as much as possible and wish not I hadnt. They are grown and now learning what a liar he can be. Let her spend the money and when dad doesnt come through oh well. It isnt her graduation as you said, she just doesnt get to go and you tell her it is not your problem. It is her dads problem. She can take it up with him. Plain and simple.

    Then yes, go to child support and get a court order for more support & they will also add in there regarding medical he will have to pay 50% and itll be ordered by the courts.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:08 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • Its time to go to court no more talking he does not seem to be getting it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:10 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • I say take him to court atleast he will eventually be held accountable for what he hasn't done. My dad was the same way, he would say yes to this and never follow through. My mom, who was not receiving a penny from him and struggling on her own with me and my sister, would pay for him. We knew what was up. He stayed true to this way till now even. I have no relationship with him and he says he's depressed about it. Well I'm sorry but I'm 30 now, have 4 kids and will NOT have him in and out of my kids lives like he was with me and my sister. The kids met him when they were little,(well 2 of them did) and they don't remember him. I'm fine with that. They think my step dad is my dad and that's how it actually is. He has not seen my 2 youngest. Know's of them but never met them or called about them.
    Just be strong and don't count on him for anything. Your dd will not really understand this, yet. Be patient.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 10:19 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • Just tell her you are not paying for anything out of you pocket tell after Dad does.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:21 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • I would stick to your guns and make her wait until you know the dress is taken care of before she spends the money.

    It isn't your fault or her fault that her father flakes like that, but it is what it is. I would tell her that it will be very nice if he follows through, but you can't count on it. Sad but true.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:29 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • Sounds like DD is getting caught in the middle of a grown up situation. I agree. Take him to court so they can assign child support based on his income as well as making sure he is helping you with the medical. As far as the dress goes... Dad has let her down and I guess that is a lesson that she is going to have to learn on her own. She will eventually stop trusting him or confront him either way it is between her and her dad. She *wants* to trust him and you *telling* her she can't is only going to make her want to defend him more. It's hard but you'll have to step back on that one.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 10:30 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • $240 a month is not shabby for chidl support. a Father's support should not be the ONLY financial support for a child. Mother's should be 100% able to support their children in the event of divorce or death. He is not repsonsible for buying her dress or paying for her extras for a dance and you shouldn't be either. She should be 100% earning her own money to buy everything extra for dances and going out with friends, even at 14. HOWEVER, on the matter of the dress....do not allow your daughter to spend her money because you DO know what will happen. So, be the adult and put your foot down.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • You have 2 choices really:
    1. Let her spend the money and learn a lesson in case he doesn't follow through.
    2. Let her spend the money, encourage her to keep the receipts "in case" she needs to return them and he doesn't follow through.
    3. Don't let her spend the money.
    SherriPie

    Answer by SherriPie at 1:13 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • time for court!
    DomsMama07

    Answer by DomsMama07 at 10:29 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Take him to court!!!
    Buy her the dress in case it's not there when she goes and gets it with the invisible money from her father or he doesn't come through, again. Don't punish her because he is a flake.
    STOP putting her in the middle, it is NOT her situation to deal with, it's the ADULTS, the PARENTS. So, take him to court for child support and get it so it doesn't stop until she is 21 and done with college.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:50 PM on May. 24, 2011

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