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5 Bumps

Whatever happened to not having more children then you can afford OR limiting your lifestyle if you chose to have them anyway???????

My ex and I divorced almost 3 years ago. We have 3 children together. He has recently gotten remarried. His new wife quit work when they got engaged, 5 months ago and has 2 children of her own and is 6 months pregnant with twins. I get about $1937 a month for child support and $575 for alimony. My ex makes about $7100 a month (actually, more then that, he got a big raise but as me and the children have all we need and I know about his growing new family, I didn't go back to court to have the child support increased.) I also got half of what was in his retirement when we divorced. With that plus my half of the equity in our home, I was able to purchase a home that I now own free that clear (though, it is much smaller then what we had, it's nice). I am going to school for my teaching degree since I was a stay at home mom our whole marriage (15 years, before we had our own children, my ex had 2 children from a previous marriage who I had 4 days a week, they are now grown). So now me and my children are stable, I am able to pay all the bills with the child support and alimony. I will be done school in a couple years, about halfway done. My ex called me the other day to ask me for a reduction in child support and he wants to stop paying alimony altogether. In total, he is asking to pay $800 less a month! He said that it's because he is now having to support 4 more children. His new wife has no plans to work (and remember, she has 2 children from her previous marriage and apparently, she gets almost nothing in child support). So now they will have to sell their home and move somewhere smaller (you mean like I had too with OUR children????). I told him that I would speak to my attorney. I asked my attorney if my ex would be able to get a reduction in child support because of his 2 new children and 2 step children, my attorney said, in some states yes, but NOT in this one. My attorney worked out how much more he should be paying me based on his new raise and he should be paying close to $200 more a month. I think my not going after that is more then generous and understanding. So I feel that I am going to call my ex and tell him while I am NOT going to settle for less, I won't go after more at his current pay. It made me mad when he said "why can't you go get a job"? Why couldn't his wife continue to work or even plan to go back to work after the babies are a few months old? Why should I go to work so she doesn't have too? Why should my youngest child go to daycare (she doesn't now but would have to if I went to work), yet her children are too good for that? I just feel like that is part of being the second wife and having children with a man who already has children. Does this sound fair? Feel free to ask any other questions, I am posting anonymously because I am talking very in depth about my finances.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on May. 22, 2011 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (52)
  • she IS entitled to that money. they had an agreement together that it was important to them for their kids to have a stay at home parent, and she put herself at a professional disadvantage to be that parent. she's not asking for a lifetime of support, she's asking for the time to reposition herself so that she can support herself.

    Answer by autodidact at 12:58 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • he should have thought about his responsibilities before he had more kids

    Answer by shivasgirl at 10:23 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • 10 kids or 25 kids ... he needs to man up. You don't rob from Peter to pay Paul when it comes to kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • You are right and you have been more than fair already. Tell him sorry, but the money goes to the kids and they need it.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 10:27 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • Stick to your guns, you deserve every penny you're getting! You CANNOT be a single mom, go to school & also work....

    tell him to wear a condom if he can't afford more children.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:34 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • I think you should be grateful for the amount of child support and alimony you already get and not complain. Honestly. His wife and his new life really arent your concern. You were right to tell him he cant tell you to go back to work when she wont, but I would have said he cant tell you what to do with your life since you are divorced. He lost the right to tell you how to lead your life back then.

    Personally I would work with him for the sake of all the children involved. I would make him bring me proof though and sit down and show me where he is not making it first. If he truly is not making it, like omg my lights are going to be turned off, then sure take some support off. If they arent making it due to entertainment and shopping then say no.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:22 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • When his twins arrive maybe it should be adjusted for his sake but not by much because he should be paying you more. But you should not have to deal with less because she quit her job. She gets child support for her kids it should not affect you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • I agree your children were there first and deserve to be taken care of.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:21 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • Good for you. You are strong women which is good for your children. Its is good that you first consulted with an Attorney. Tell to your ex that he should be thankful that you are weaving the increase of child support. Alimony is yours he is not supposed to touch it. How dare of him. If your ex comes to be asking for money tell him to put his new wife on welfare. Its his family not yours. Keep strong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • You should feel grateful because a lot of mom's on this site get hardly any child support, work full time, go to school and HAVE to put their kids in daycare. In reality, it makes your problems look silly.

    Answer by miss_lisa at 10:34 AM on May. 22, 2011