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Should I try to find her?

So I was adopted 21 years ago in colorado. Anyway over the last few years, especially since having my daughter I have been interested in finding my birth mother. Things were very unpleasant growing up with my adoptive family.... Anyway allegedly my birth mother was raped (my adoptive mother told me this but the story changes every time) Anway and I would HATE to just bring up bad memories or get my hopes up just for her to resent me or something... In Colorado what I would do is register my information and if she does the same they would send her my info so we could meet.... What do you all think??

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Asked by SweetPea05 at 8:21 PM on Dec. 7, 2008 in Adoption

Level 8 (230 Credits)
Answers (26)
  • It can't hurt. If she registers her name then you know she is wanting to find you also. I assume you do not have any info on your mom so you could look for yourself.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 8:23 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • if u feel u need answer and want to know, go for it.. if u feel ur ok not knowing anything or that u might get hurt, dont go for it.. u really need to do what YOU think is right. I would want to know who my mother is. Just keep in mind u might not get an answer and if u do it might not work out. GOOD LUCK... :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Southerncharmes , no it was a completely closed adoption I dont even know my medical history.

    Answer by SweetPea05 at 8:33 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Ok, I understand. I would go with your heart then. I wish you the very best.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 8:38 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Southerncharmes ... Thanks my heart is soo torn!! :( This is a really tough decision for me, because i know if my adoptive mother found out she would hate me... it would cause soo many problems.... So im trying to decide if its worth it

    Answer by SweetPea05 at 8:41 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I am so glad I found my birth mom. I was worried because I did not know how it would go but it really has been so nice to have her in my family and she got to see Grace right after my c-section. Do what your heart tells you is best :) Good luck let me know what happens

    Answer by momfarabee at 8:43 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Oh, no no, don't pre-judge your mom. Let her decide for herself what she feels. She may be thinking the same thing about meeting you.....she may believe that you would never accept her for giving you up. Be open to anything, stay positive until otherwise proven wrong. No matter how you came about, she could never hate you sweetie. Don't ever think that....I promise.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 8:52 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Southerncharmes, Im really worried about how my adoptive parents will react. Especially my mother. She will see it as me not loving her etc and SHE will probably never forgive me thats just how she is. She takes everything completely personally even when it has nothing to do with her. And I do worry that if in fact my BM was raped, that she resents me. But I suppose its true If she registers also then that means she wants to meet me... But if I register and nothing ever happens I dont know how I could handle that. UGH I am a MESS!!!

    Answer by SweetPea05 at 12:12 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • If your adoptive mother will not forgive you for wanting to find you birthparents, that is just wrong. You need to tell her the truth, that you love her and she hasn't done anything wrong but you have a longing to find where you came from. You have the right to search for you birthmother, and although I cannot promise she will welcome you with open arms I know she hasn't forgotten you. I think you should go for it!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Rejection is something we all face when we begin a search. I found a mom that (initially) didn't want to be found. At that time, it hurt like hell- but it didn't KILL me. Keep your expectations of what you may find low- and anything better will be gravy :) Find a search and support group! They can be so very helpful - both in search- and emotional support! You will find that search is the EASY part. It's the emotions that can come up that can kick you in the tail. But please know- most moms want to be found.


    Answer by adopteeme at 2:14 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

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