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ok i'm ready

i am ready to contact my child that i was forced to give up at birth and now she is an adult herself and want to know how to go about it? i have always known where she lives, her full name, the schools she went to and now i am ready to talk to her in person and have her be a part of our lives [ brothers and sisters ] if she wants too. my kids that i have now do know about her and i do have photos of her thru out the years and all 6 of my kids have the same father and i want to reconnect with her if she wants too.

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justgg

Asked by justgg at 8:34 PM on Dec. 7, 2008 in Adoption

Level 5 (58 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Contact her. It sounds like you already know where she lives. Contact the adoptive mom or the adult child herself. I suggest the adoptive mom first as she may not have told the child she was adopted. If the adult child knows she is adopted, then write a letter. It never hurts to try. Tell her why you had to give her up. She will eaither accept and understand or she wont. no way to know till you try though. Best of luck to you both.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 8:37 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I agree with the first poster. Contact the adoptive mom first and then send a letter giving her your phone number. Let her be the one to call you and initiate the next step of contact.

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 8:42 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • if your daughter is of age and an adult- I'd contact her directly. She should have the opp to decide what she wants to do with you finding and contacting her. She doesn't need her amoms permission. I have a link that has a first contact 'script', It helped me alot get the words together in a first letter to my family. I'd be happy to share the link in PM.
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 1:51 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • I think I would contact the adoptive mom first...regardless of whether the child is an adult or not. Since you gave this child up, it should be up to her to decide when and if she contacts you. I would write the adoptive mom a letter and let her know that you'd like to meet with her daughter. Then you can give your contact information and ask the adoptive mom to forward it onto her daughter. Otherwise you may be forcing yourself into a situation where (A) she doesn't know she's adopted or (B) you come across as too strong and presumptous.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:51 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • anonymous 6:51... something about how you wrote that rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's the fact that you repeatedly called the adoptee Amom's daughter and failed to acknowledge the fact that it's Justgg's daughter too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • When my fiance met his brother for the first time, I prepared a scrapbook of the first family, with pictures of everyone. I included a modern photo, an elementary school photo, one of them together (which while growing up, kind of showed age differences), and one of each of them as a baby. It gave him a hands on way of seeing each person, to realize the age differences in them, and to even look to see who he looked most like. He keeps it with him all the time now (there was 45 years before any family reunification).

    Good luck! I'd go to the adoptive parent, and ask her to call, and give her your contact information, and send a small scrapbook with pictures of your kids, your new husband, and all that. I wish you luck!
    sizesmith

    Answer by sizesmith at 10:24 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • To everyone who said to contact he amom first: Are YOU an adult? Would you like it if someone asked your mom if it was "ok" to talk to you as an adult? If her child is now an adult she deserves to be treated like one! It's the adult adoptees choice what to do NOT the amom's choice at this point. If amom never told her she was adopted, well, too bad for amom now. She should have done it years ago. If the adult child does not wish contact with her bmom then that's a discussion that needs to be between then...two adults having an adult conversation. Good luck to you. I hope things work out as you hope them to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • If she has gotten pictures of her child then the amom probably wouldn't mind if they had contact. It would do more harm than good if she just contacted the adult child and said "Hey, I am you biomom" especially if she hasn't been told she was adopted. I agree with the ones that said she should contact the amom first. If the amom and the daughter have a good relationship then it would probably be better coming from her that her bio mom wanted to contact her than from a stranger.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 11:45 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Do any of you have adopted kids or are adopted who are answering this question by saying she should contact amom first?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Depends..when you say she is an adult..Do you mean 18 years or older? And what arrangements were made if any at the time of adoption finialization. For me it really depends on what age she is...Whether or not to contact her directly or go through the adopted parents. You will have to make that judgement call yourself. Do you know for sure that the adopted parents told her she was adopted? That is one reason I would lean talking with the adopted parents first. Wish you the best.
    heavenschild99

    Answer by heavenschild99 at 12:21 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

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