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2 Bumps

What's the deal with this??

My DH's mother-in-law has been in the habit for awhile now of calling DH on a daily basis, many times several times in a day. One of the reasons is she's concerned about his health and eating (he's anorexic b/c he has troubles eating in the mornings. He has several doctors appointments in a month and she calls for EVERY SINGLE ONE to remind him of it. Hellooooo, he has a wife??? Anyways her calling gets on my nerves and one day when she called I let my irritation show through in my voice, though not intentionally. She bitched to DH and he jumped down my throat. But when SHE called yesterday I answer and she goes "Put #%$ on the phone please" no hello, no nothing, which I felt was rude. I mentioned it to my neighbor who is a new friend of mine. Neighbor felt it was rude but when I was talking to DH about the call she said I should "pick my battles" and that it's no big deal in the whole scheme of things. But she has also told me she thinks mummy calls too much and that SHE was rude on the phone but never said any of that to DH.

Where my irritation is coming from is when I've talked to DH before (we had a recent incident where she acted like a bitch over a 6-hour-round-tip-ride cuz DH had to go out of his way-she hung up on him and then texts "dont bother-I'll just find someone I can depend on" She has a truck she has just bought btw-just couldn't be bothered to drive that). What DH told me for both is he doesn't want to cause conflict with mother and he wants to be on "good terms" with her...which I understand to a point but does it honestly mean we're stuck being her doormat for the next 20 or more years??? How can I encourage DH to set boundaries with her?

Answer Question
 
purplerobin

Asked by purplerobin at 1:21 PM on May. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (6,416 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Thats still her son. Put yourself in her shoes. If your son marries someone does that mean you automatically stop being concerned? Of course not. I agree with your husband. Pick your battles.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:23 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • thats a hard one.....sorry other than dh telling her to back off some there nothing you can do about it....
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 1:25 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • I know it's still her son and I dont blame her for being concerned--but she could give us SOME space. And if hubby wants me to pick my battles, how about her putting herself in MY shoes? She gets irritated if people call her cell phone too much but we've never caused HER to go over on minutes. DH went over minutes to the tune of 45 minutes cuz of her. If I'm supposed to "pick my battles" then how about HER keeping her mouth shut if I get irritated and it accidentally shows in my voice one time? Or am I the only person supposed to compromise?
    purplerobin

    Comment by purplerobin (original poster) at 1:28 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • If your husband doesn't mind that she calls constantly then I don't see a problem with it.

    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 1:36 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • That's very irritating. Even if he wasn't married, he is a grown man. If I were him I would be irritated and if I was married that would be overstepping boundaries. They both sound like jerks to me.
    SMITxsM2

    Answer by SMITxsM2 at 1:39 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • simplicity--the problem is he isn't the ONLY PERSON who lives here, and overage charges on cell phones can add up in a hurry to boot. Do you think that hubby is the only person whose feelings matter?
    purplerobin

    Comment by purplerobin (original poster) at 1:51 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Your hubby is ANOREXIC???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • it's not body-image issues or anything but he has a hard time getting food down and he's losing too much weight
    purplerobin

    Comment by purplerobin (original poster) at 2:27 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • My best advice is get caller ID if you don't already have it. When you see she is calling - don't answer the phone. If your husband wants to talk to her he can answer it. She's not calling to talk to you anyway, right? I've started doing this. My MIL would call to leave messages for my husband during the day like I was his secretary or something. I quit answering her calls, she can call when hubby's home or she can call his cell and leave a message there.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:58 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • I've tried that and I get bitched at from hubby when I dont answer the phone when she calls-and she bitches too! Lord help me!
    purplerobin

    Comment by purplerobin (original poster) at 3:01 PM on May. 22, 2011

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