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Any advice on how to raise a 16 yr old girl? adult content

About a mth ago i took my 16 yr sister in bc neither my mom/dad (divorced) knows how to handle her she went from my moms to my dads & then from my dads to my grandma & now me. She use to sneak out there house,drink,stay out late,has the worest attitude ever..But since she moved in with me,my 2kids & husband she has gotten better..Just need some advice on how to handle her age even though 7yr ago i was that age but i never did any of the things she has done!

 
Chelhaidax

Asked by Chelhaidax at 3:14 PM on May. 22, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 18 (6,053 Credits)
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Answers (23)
  • I think you're doing a great job. Just keep up what you're doing. In doing this, you're kind of preparing yourself for when your own two kids become that age.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 12:32 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Make sure she knows this is her last hope and last stop before a group home. Set up rules and make sure she knows them. I put them on the fridge along with consequences. I had my teens sign a behavior agreement as well.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:16 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Yikes, well, I would have said yes, if it were your own child and you had been raising her all along. But, while I commend you on what you are doing, I really don't have an answer. She's going to be difficult, I am sure she's not changed overnight... whereas, she might just be sitting back learning the ropes and how to pull the wool over your eyes too. LOL! I would have to say, sit down with her, have a talk about what YOUR rules are and what the consequences of not following them will be. Really, tell her you're not going to let her set a bad example for your own children and that you won't stand for her to disobey your rules in your home.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 3:18 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Sit down and lay out your expectations. Make it clear that you love her and support her but let her no where the line is drawn. If you make a threat follow through. Don't tell her you'll ground her and then turn around and let her go out to her friend's house. Let her know what the consequences are for misbehavior but also remember to keep communication open.
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 5:00 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Lay down house rules. She probably thinks it is more fun to hang around the troublemakers.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 3:27 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • My best advice (after raising 2 girls and 1 son past that age) is to give her boundaries. It sounds like you have already told her your rules, now all you have to do is stick to them and hold her accountable. The other advice is to love her and make sure she knows you love her no matter what. Good luck, you sound like a great sister!
    chriscarpcal

    Answer by chriscarpcal at 3:30 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • My daughter just turned 17 so I can definitely feel what you are going through. I am lucky as my daughter doesn't give me any problems but I took my nephew in several years ago and it was very difficult. The reason why it didn't work out with his Grandpa and Dad and a Step-mom who didn't want him is because everyone had labeled him this "bad child". They were constantly controlling him. When he came to me it worked out and the reason why is because we talked. I listened to him and I didn't judge him. He found a job and he felt good about himself. I set a few rules like eating family dinners at 5pm, in by a certain time, call so I don't worry, and no drugs! Love,patience and understanding goes a long way. Good luck---I think she is very lucky to have you.

    marylandmom51

    Answer by marylandmom51 at 3:43 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Now that she has been there a month I would sit down with her again with your husband. Tell her how proud you are of her that things are going well. A little positive reinforcement goes a long way.

    Also at this stage I would give her some responsibility around the house. Something that would let her feel like she is contributing. With 2 little ones maybe you could give her the weekly grocery list and have her do the shopping. Or have her help cook dinner twice a week. This would not only help you but make her feel more connected too.

    Keeping your ground rules is key. But is sounds like she needs a firm foundation and your home is providing that. Now she needs to know she is a part of it too. She will test you (remember you were 16 once) so be prepared and have a plan.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 8:26 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Believe me for i took her in me & my husband sat down with her & told her this is her last chance..I told her the rules & if she cant respect them or my family then its bootcamp for her & i dont want that to happen..She isnt a bad kid she makes honor roll & straight A's in school its just her social life outside of school she has trouble with!
    Chelhaidax

    Comment by Chelhaidax (original poster) at 3:19 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Lol yea yikes, i know she wont change over night but she knows right from wrong & she is a very smart girl idk why she makes all these bad mistakes with our parents..
    Chelhaidax

    Comment by Chelhaidax (original poster) at 3:22 PM on May. 22, 2011

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