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Worried about what they'll say to my son

My in-laws are very weight obsessed. They call their children fat(which yes all four of them are obese) and disgusting. They are tolerant of both of my SILs calling people fat and many other unkind words about their weight. The thing is is that I am the only thin relative this my son has and I have a thyroid issue that makes it hard for me to retain any fat. And since we started trying to have kids I've had to find ways of keeping my weight up enough to ovulate. So I tend to use fatty foods so I can retain fat,it works well for me but they always have to tell me about how disgusting and crappy my diet is even if it's just whole milk.
What I'm scared of is that if my son looks like his Father or any part of my family that they are going to be cruel to him just like they are to his Father and behind my parents back(My Mother has PCOS and my Father has had a problem with his weight since puberty and so has my husband so I honestly think it might be something to do with that).

Does anybody else have relatives like this? How do you handle it if they start saying things to my son without causing a huge family issue? I've got a few years but what if he does have a weight problem and he starts hearing that and it hurts him? Sorry I always have to deal with when they do this to my Husband and it hurts him because they're his parents.I'm just scared of my son starting to hate himself or food because grandma and grandpa says it's gross.

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lizziebreath

Asked by lizziebreath at 4:11 PM on May. 22, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 19 (6,846 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I wouldn't wait for them to say something to your son.

    I would pull both of them privately aside and explain what your feelings on the matter are. Tell them what you expect of them and why you expect it.

    If, after your talk, they still speak negatively about your son/weight I would seriously reconsider their role in your son's life. The last thing you need are people who say they love him to cause him any distress, emotional or otherwise.
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 4:16 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Tell them how you feel and then keep your distance?
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 4:21 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • When they say something, look them in the eye and tell them to shut up. Calmly. Some people have boundary issuses and need to be told plainly and directly that what they are saying needs to stop. If that doesn't work, do what I do. "I am leaving now and I will talk to you when your behavior changes." Then leave or kick them out. It works, esp. with adults.
    Audrice1985

    Answer by Audrice1985 at 4:31 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • I'd straight out tell them if you can't hold your tongue and not say anything nice, they wouldn't see your family again. My husband had to do this to his mother when she kept trash talking me (not to my face, to his).
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 6:52 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Tell them, "We are teaching my son to follow the golden rule- if we don't have anything nice to say, we say nothing at all." If they don't get the hint, you'll have to get tough.
    Hazelnutkin

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 7:36 PM on May. 22, 2011

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