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relationship with Mother

my mom has trouble being forthright, she has lied and led me on many many times in the past twenty years, over and over because I want so bad to have a healthy relationship with her I give her a chance but this last time it's just too much, she is not a murderer or anything like that and as a family member I believe in working things out and giving chances but I have been feeling like such a fool for getting trust betrayed over and over. I cant express how alful it feels. I don't want to cut off from her but this roller coaster (she has crisis within her own integrity but blames me for it) I'm not supposed to get upset about anything, any trespass or inconsideration or manipulation, because then I'm blamed for her lies because she can't handle my feelings. What can I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Dec. 7, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Well. You could continue to associate with her understanding that every word out of her mouth is a lie or an attempt to manipulate.

    Or you could just walk away.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:10 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • My mother is the same way she was an alcoholic and did Heroin from when I was 4 to present day. When her and my dad got a divorce she lied to me about my dad wanting nothing to do with me and when I found out it was a lie it hurt me a lot. Because my mom is the way she is and doesn't want to change I choose to stop trying to help her because she doesn't want it, she doesn't want anything to do with me and I'm fine with that just because she wasn't a mother to me. I chose to walk away from my past and my mother I dont speak to her anymore and its fine that way for me. Its just what you have to decide whats better for you.
    HollyRose

    Answer by HollyRose at 10:52 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • I feel really stuck because I want to do what I can to have a healthy relationship. But nothing I do on my part seems to contribute to this, I wish I had some way to encourage her to want the same thing and to be commited to live as if this is an important conviction. I think both PP are unfortunately right that there is nothing I can do but walk away. Its so painful, she can be a good mother sometimes just very inconsistant.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:50 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • I have a siimilar relationship with my mother. After much soulsearching and third and twentieth and one hundred and ninetyieth tries to get along together I finally put a stop to us acting as mother and daughter emotionally. I call her mom my kids call her grandma. She is not a grandmother in any sense of the word known to typical USA but we honor her thoughts Comfortably we treat each other as neighbors coming across each other randomly living in different parts of town. Now we laugh.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

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