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What should I do? adult content

My stepson is 13 yrs old, I have been inn his life for about 6 yrs....He has always had issues but things are getting progressivly worse, he constantly plays online games in his room and screams curse words into the microphone, and hen i take this away from him he then curses at me, recently he even came after me and tried to struggle the game out of my hands then socked me twice in the back of the head...He is constantly cursing scaring his brother and sister, he also has pulled a bebe gun on me once, when I had got into argument with his Father my husband...we normally have good relatioship, my marriage I mean, his Father feels this all will pass, as his bio mom has nothing to do with him, therfore dad feels guilty and does not want to punish in the fear that Lucas might not feel loved...help this has gotten so bad, that I am actually scared to be with him?

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ruthieriver1

Asked by ruthieriver1 at 9:16 PM on May. 22, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • ADD maybe?
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 9:18 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • He is pulling a bebe gun on you and your DH dosnt care? No, that is not a normal phase.....I'd be pissed! Tell him to grow a pair and be a father and to stop letting the ds get away with things like that, or he will be in jail in no time.
    minimo77

    Answer by minimo77 at 9:19 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • If he is this aggressive over something as minor as a video game your DH needs to take this seriously. Just because your DH feels guilty that his bio mom isn't around doesn't mean that he doesn't need rules and discipline. He is physically abusing you and scaring his siblings and if something isn't done things could get a lot worse. Boys typically have a hard time expressing his feelings, but it is important to see what is making him so angry, frustrated, sad, stressed, etc. He really needs to talk to therapist or an adult who is experienced with children with anger issues.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 9:22 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Punishment for bad behavior=tough love
    KayGia0704

    Answer by KayGia0704 at 9:22 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • He sounds like he needs some individual therapy and you can all benefit from family therapy. For one, your resentfulness over not being heard by your husband and lack of a partner in parenting will get to you over time. good luck girl, that's a hard one. As biological mom, you'd probably take that stupid video game away...I've done it. It's the worst thing for an already agressive boy. Of course, if my kid pulled ANY weapon on me, I'd have his ass in a sling...THEN I'd get him some help. I don't mean spanking...I mean self defense. I agree sounds like some sort of disorder, eg oppositional defiant or adhd, but only a doctor can tell you for sure. Good luck girlfriend.
    IntuitiveMJ

    Answer by IntuitiveMJ at 9:27 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • sounds like a normal teenager who doesnt like his step mother to me id let his father deal with it and if you fear him that much mayb you should leave sorry if that sounds harsh but he came first so he should be treated that way! My husbands daughter came along before me so she comes first and i do not in any way try to play mother even tho her mother is not in the picture!
    myboysRmyhero

    Answer by myboysRmyhero at 9:31 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • is this a sudden behavoir change? is he doing drugs? my fiances little brother acts horrible when hes been smoking pot. we have to drug test him randomly to make sure he isn't doing it.
    agallo004

    Answer by agallo004 at 9:40 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • I say, your husband needs to step in & teach his son NOT TO HIT WOMEN & BE DISRESPECTFUL to them. Your step son sounds like he's lacking a male role model for sure. This is your husbands place to take care of this, not you.  This right here - would make me leave my husband bc he needs to step up & be a man. He needs to make sure you are taken care of as well. He can't let his 13 yr old son beat up on you & bully you bc he feels guilt & has his own little issues. Good Luck, Hun.

    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 9:51 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Seriously to the person who said that he came first in my husbands life, and that I need to just get over it...this is my family, and I am going nowhere, when the kids are gone it will be just me and my husband.....And that he should be treated better because he came first, this is a deeply disturbed young boy..and if it sounds as if I am resentful, well after being cursed at and hit and treated with no respect , yeah I am a little resentful, it's hard to love a child that shows you only violence, and I am very close to my other two stepchildren, they are like my own, and by the way if you think because he came first that they should also be subjected to violence and cruelty by thier older brother, because he came first...I am trying to save my family here.
    ruthieriver1

    Comment by ruthieriver1 (original poster) at 9:56 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • I'd suggest counseling not only for him, but maybe the three of you together. I can understand where his father feels guilt, but he does need to step up and teach his son how to respect you. Hitting, cursing and obviously threatening you and the other children is not okay, these are big issues and it seems like he does not have the ability to control his anger and rages. It could be a combination of things too. In order to correct behavior sometimes you have to really figure out what is causing it, especially in cases like this. Children learn their behavior from those around them, they also pick up behaviors based on parenting, and there is always the possibility that even when those things are good there are underlying emotional or mental issues to deal with. Something is going on that is triggering these feelings, I'd suggest you and your husband talk to him about his feelings and emotions, and consider counseling. GL
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:39 PM on May. 23, 2011

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