Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Family visiting; compromise on their stay with us...advice please!

my little cousin is 17, going to be a senior in high school and has wanted to visit me for the longest (years) time. She lives in Texas with my aunt and the rest of my family is. She told me today that my aunt (her mom) is allowing her to finally come to Los Angeles (where I live) in June/July for up to a mth. My SO is a very antisocial person and hates letting people come over let alone stay the night I'm the opposite. He's working all the time and I'm a sahm so I don't see what's the big deal if she stays with us. He only has one day off a week if that so he's not een around enough to complain about her staying. She's too young to stay at a hotel in a place she's never been before and my aunt trust her (she a very good kid) and me enough to let her stay with me. He doesn't want her here more then a night. Every tine I visit Texas I stay with this particular aunt and it's always more then one night so I also feel it only right for her to be able to stay with us too. So now he said fine since you hav snot stayed at her house more then 5 days ten that's the longest she can stay, that really ticks me off! It just seems so childish and selfish of him. He needs to see the whole situation and realize she's young and is from Austin Texas not a big city like Los Angeles. I remember moving here from Austin Texas when I was a teenager and it's sooooo scary and different. So anyway I tried to tell him this but he just said fuck it do what you want. He always seems to hold me (and himself) from potentially fun situations because he is so antisocial and doesn't een like to be around his own friends for a night. And I'm tired of him doing this to me so I don't see what the big deal is. She can stay at my moms house (an hr away from me, it's her aunt) but my parents have my sister and her four young children living with her too. So not exactly ideal, besides the fact that my mom is rally abrasive and not easy to be around for long. Anyway what would you do? And just because she stays with us doesn't mean I'm asking that we pay for everything too. Anyway what to do?


Asked by ProudMammaMia at 11:10 PM on May. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,619 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • It's not like a stranger is coming into your house and staying for a month. College is right around the corner and she needs to get an idea of what it is like away from home. If your husband isn't there much, I think he is making a big deal over someone he is not going to see 24/7. Do what you want, if he makes a big deal out of it, tell him he needs to get over it. Maybe he needs counseling.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:12 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • he said "fuck it do what you want" there is your answer. Have her stay with you, and if it gets unbearable for your neice...she can always go to your mom's at that point. :)

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 11:14 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • I personally think a month is a bit long. Is she just planning to come and hang out or does her visit have purpose (visiting colleges, looking for a job, etc.)? I assume you have children and responsibilities of your own as well and adding more to that for a month may seem like a good idea but it may not be that great after a week or two I think you owe it to your SO to come to a compromise you both can live with. He has made some concessions, maybe you can too.


    Answer by SDJenn at 11:17 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • I'm agreeing with PsychicSherry here. She's family. She stays with you. If he doesn't like it TOUGH, he's not home anyway so I don't see where he has the grounds to bitch.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:30 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • It sounds selfish of him to me. Sounds like he isnt home much and wont be effected too much by her staying, sounds like he is being unreasonable.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 12:16 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Psychicsherry yeah thats what I was thinking too but I just hat that he has to make it so weird in the first place. He hasn't been able to meet my family because they are all in Texas (except my sisters and mom). This is the first time he would meet them and I don't want him to make it awkward for them or me. That's soo not cool. That's disrespectful to me and he needs to get over himself and STOL acting like just because he's antisocial I have to be. Uggg lol he's annoying

    Comment by ProudMammaMia (original poster) at 11:20 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • Is it anit-social or control?

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 11:32 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • It would come off that he is controlling to people that don't know him but I you knew our relationship you would understand it's his extreme antisocial ways and very small amount of control. He doesn't control me or not let me do things with friends/ family or anything. He's just really weird about being around people if he doesn't have to. The funny thing is he has been manager almost all his adult life and is now director of operations and part owner of upscale restaurants/bars so he has to talk/ deal with people all the time on a business level but as soon as it's personal he shuts down. His parents/ family are the exact same way. He grew up in a very traditional Japanese home and they are very conservative people.

    Comment by ProudMammaMia (original poster) at 11:43 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • .

    Answer by asscrack at 11:14 PM on May. 22, 2011