Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

This is really messed up!

I have a friend who kicked her man out because all they did was fight, they have a 4 month old son together (Hunter), she was determined to be a good mom and not keep Hunter from her ex, she had her ex watch Hunter when she worked and sometimes a few nights when she was having a hard time.

It went fine like this for a few weeks, she went to pick Hunter up after work last night and the father told her she was not getting him back!!

She freaked out! Called the police, they said as they have not gone to court to establish custody, they can't make the father return Hunter, she is filing for a emergency hearing at family court right now, the lawyers she talked to all say the same thing, it's not likely she'll get custody back of Hunter, likely just visitation....

Has any one heard of this happening before?? Is there really no hope?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:57 AM on May. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • I have. You have to get legal custody decided immediately to prevent this from happening. I'm sorry your friend is going thru this and I hope the decision is made "in the best interest of the child".

    Answer by meooma at 9:00 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • My friends DH has custody of his son and before they had established custody the mom refused to give him back for a month...the lawyer told him that it would be hard to get full custody back that if anything it would be joint....nothing to do with the fact she was the mom and he was the she will get him just not full custody...which would be the case even if she had him and they went to court...that is why you ALWAYS get custody established before allowing any visitations to happen.

    Answer by happymama02 at 9:02 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Almost exactally what happened to my sister in law (in TN) she couldn't get her son back till the hearing. The judge was NOT happy that the husband did it and it didn't work out well for him. My prayers for your friend!

    Answer by Liberty979 at 9:03 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Yep it happened to me. She needs to go get an emergency order of custody right away. Thats what I did. It costs but otherwise he doesnt even have to allow her to see her son. It sounds like he probably already has a lawyer if he knew this. She needs to act quickly.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:16 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • The father said he has Hunter most of the time, 5 days ( he had Hunter for the weekend as she worked) and at least 2 nights, so he will get full custody with her having visitations

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:23 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Well the judge is going to look at what is the norm for the child. Who is the caretaker? Who does the child spend most of their time with? Who is the one working outside the home and a better provider? The provider does not equal custody FYI. The judge however also looks at intent. What is the intention of the father of keeping the baby from her? Is he allowing visits? Is he using the child as a weapon? Was there physical, mental or emotional abuse in the marriage? Does either of them have drug or alcohol problems even from the past? Do either have criminal records? Mental disorders"? Who has the most stable home & has lived there the longest? Who has a better support system? It is all taken into consideration.
    She needs a lawyer asap like I said. She also needs to start documenting everything. If he denies visits, doc it, calls doc it. Everything.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:43 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Oh one more thing. If she doesnt get into court ASAP and plans to go into a custody hearing saying he took the baby and she did nothing until months later at the custody hearing the judge is likely to look down on that. Someone who truly wants their child will come to court naked and on fire and tell a judge what he did.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:47 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • this is why you always get custody in order BEFORE you trust anyone with your kid......sorry your friends going thur this.....tell her to get a good lawyer......

    Answer by cara124 at 9:48 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • She went to court, they said she can file a normal petition, that it is not a emergency. He said he would let her see Hunter but not alone until they went to court. They both work full time, different shifts, she has been having problems getting Hunter to sleep so she calls him and he does it, he has older children and she is a first time mom

    She kicked him out, not sure if that matters for stability, she calls him allot for help with Hunter, she just wants to be a good mom, she was trying to do what is right by Hunter and not alienate him from his father, now he is using it against her! She did talk to a lawyer (we just came back to my house) he said with her ex having the baby 5 days a week and time on the weekends, she'll likely get visitations. He is having his parents watch Hunter while he works, can she go there with the police and take him since the father is working??

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:21 PM on May. 23, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.