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2 Bumps

Christian Maritail Advice Needed!

Okay, this may be a bit long, but I feel I need to give the back-round story. I met my husband in 2006, I was a Junior in high school and he was 17 already out of school, and working as a residential framer. We hit it off very well, but about 6 months in to the relationship he shot up with dilaudid for the first time. He was honest with me about it, so being 16 and "in love" I forgave him and the relationship continued. There was a series of events, including him job hopping, moving a lot, being late to take me to prom, never having money,etc. I knew he had a problem, but I was in love and didn't want to give up. By the time I was a senior he was in rehab, and I decided to take a break. I wrote letters and stayed in touch, but I dated other guys, made new friends, and just enjoyed being a kid again. After I graduated I moved to Florida with my Mom, got a great job with the State Attoneys Office and was about to enroll in College. Well, then he got out of rehab, and we started talking again. I decided to to drive back up to our home town and bring him to live with us in FL. He seemed to be doing well, and we wanted to get married. My Mom and Step Dad did not think that was a good plan, and said that we could not live there if we were going to get married. We did not want to live together unmarried so in a nutshell I quit my job, left my Mom's ended up living with his family back home got married in 2007 only a few months after I had graduated high school. Then he relapsed, I got pregnant with our first daughter, he relapsed again. I contemplated divorce and giving my baby up for adoption. But I am a Christian, and divorce is just not an option for me...I stuck it out...and he has continued to relapse. He was high on the day our first daughter was born, and several other major events. He stole checks, pawned our things etc.
He joined the Army National Guard and that seemed to help for a while. He has held a good job for a couple years now and we just bought our first house.It has not all been bad, I know he loves us. We have two beautiful little girls together...but the drugs are ALWAYS an issue.
Just recently he was about to leave for military training for the month. We had a fight the day before and he left for several hours . He told me he went to Wal-Mart to blow off steam. I believed him and when he came back he was very sweet apologized, and opened up to me a bit. But yesterday I got a statement from our insurance company showing where he had gone to the doctor office to get pills. He never told me. He is still lying, and still wanting to get high. He comes home next week, and I am kinda dreading it, it has been so peaceful without him here. That it is not good... I just turned 22, and I have been doing this since I was 16. I keep looking for answers and all I read is "be supportive" "get help" "Do this do that" "It takes time" etc. and we have done all that, and the issue is still there. I want to do the right thing, I want to be a good testimony. I just don't know what to do. I am a stay-at-home, in school part-time student. I love him, and want to make it work, but I just don't see things getting better. And to make things worse, I have found out that a close friend of mine that I have known for eight years has feelings for me. I am not at all saying that I want to leave and be with him (quite frankly after all this I never want to be married again), but something about this new information makes me want to be single and have the freedom to date other people. I have never been a single adult, and I feel like I missed out. Has anyone dealt with this, does anyone know what Scripture says about substance abuse? What do I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on May. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Drug counseling for him, family counseling for the both of you. Nothing will change unless he wants to, and you cannot make him want to.
    CraftingMama

    Answer by CraftingMama at 11:01 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • I think you know the answer. I am Christian, actually Catholic and they are even stricter on divorce. I believe though God wants us in a stable and happy life with someone who loves God as much as we do. Men are instructed to hold up their wives the same way Christ holds up the church. Your husband has already put something higher than you and he has done it more than once. I doubt he will change and I would leave and get a divorce.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:04 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Unfortunately I agree with gemgem... You and your daughters are not a priority in his life. The drugs are, hence the relaspes. I grew up in a family where the Bible is taken to heart, im a pkk(preachers kids kid) and While I think it is unhealthy for you to be in that relationship, you need to go for a walk, clear your head and pray about it. and open your hears to hear....
    kgrine

    Answer by kgrine at 11:18 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • I got this strait out of a book written by a preacher.
    divorce is not Gods plan nor does it please him.Jesus teaches of divorce i Mathew 19. When the other person sins in the marrage in this fashion it is as if that person is dead in the marrage and the promise to God is until death do you part.

    Having said that I belive Seperation isn't divorce.
    Kimkh

    Answer by Kimkh at 11:19 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Go to al anon...it will help you and they are usually christian based groups...I'm sure God would understand if you divorced..it's not to be with another or because you have fallen out of love it's because he has turned his back on God and you and your family for satan's temptations. Drug additction is a powerful evil and many cannot come back from it...I hope you get the answers you rlooking for ...pray about it ask God for his guidance.

    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 11:28 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • Thanks ladies, I appreciate it. We have actually separated before when my oldest daughter was a baby. It was pretty awful actually because he was not working, and I had to get a job as a hostess and barely made enough money to take care of my daughter. Honestly I feel like if I leave him then he is just going to give up completely, and it's pretty scary because he is the main provider right now...Not too mention the girls are crazy about him, this whole month they have been asking when Daddy is coming home. Oh and on top of that, his unit deploys at the beginning of the year...maybe we should just stick it out until then? Maybe a year or more overseas would help him dry out?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:39 AM on May. 23, 2011

  • In your heart, it sounds as if you want to stay but you're making excuses on one hand why you should stay and then on the other hand on why you should leave. No one can tell you exactly what to do because, first you have to feel it in your heart to do it and secondly you have to put a plan in motion in order for your family to become stable and it seems like you've done neither of those. You sound as if you want everything to magically disappear but in reality until your husband faces his addiction and addresses his issues, life like you have it now will still exist and quite frankly get worse. Being a Christian woman myself and re-married, I know that God didn't lead me to my first husband, I led myself to him with my eyes wide shut and it ended in divorce. My current husband and I are a perfect God made match for one another...So clear your head and go into deep prayer & God will give you the answer you need...GL
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:26 PM on May. 23, 2011

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