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Dh is replacing me.....

Dh has always been a big football fan.....I knew that well when I married him - 13 years ago. We have three girls. He works full time. We own a business as well, that I run from the home office so I can SAH with the girls.

Lately, he has had the opportunity to go out of town with guy friends to football games.....I try not to say anything negative because I feel if I do I always become tha bad guy. However, I have never had an extended break from home responsibilities or children.

Now, even when home he is obsessed with watching football on TV. Espn is his life from dawn to dusk. He is more focused on that than with the kids. Even after being gone for a couple of days - he is watching sportcenter round the clock. Last night he was ugly snappy with the kids and I for leaving a hat at Subway...he said some ugly things to them about how they always get things wrong.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:46 AM on Dec. 8, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • You know, I've done this before. I become obsessed with the internet, with a message board and it had all my attention ALL the time. My family suffered from it, my house suffered from it., my marriage suffered from it.

    But as a grown up I had to face I was hurting the people I cared about . It upset me when Dh and kids would bug me about what I was doing but that's because I knew they were right but didn't want to acknowledge it.

    Sit down with Dh, let him know right now that this isn't going to fly with you. That you will support his love/hobby but that you will NOT allow it to run your life or take him away from you and your kids. Let him set times that are good to watch/play/go to football. And hold his accountable. If he starts doing it more than he said he was then call his ass on it. Just because he's an adult doesn't mean he can't get reprimanded. LOL
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 11:04 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • ALSO: Sex is non existent....he came in the other night rubbing on me. It made me sick....he was not making love....only wanted to 'get off'. So, I ignored it and got up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:49 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Oh wow.... I'm so sorry you are going through this. You need to sit your husband down, MAKE him sit down, threaten him with something that will get his attention, and tell him what you're feeling plain and SIMPLE. Men are not good at seeing things or even understanding how we feel. They are on different wave lengths. My husband is obsessed with video games. I finally had to put my foot down and tell him me or games. He slowly cut back and it doesn't interfere anymore. Maybe you need to go rent a nice hotel room and pack up your babies and take a mini vacation. When you leave, write a letter with your thoughts and feelings about the whole thing.
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 5:50 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Continued

    You need to make him realize that the two of YOU are a team. Remind him that those kids are his babies and he's making them play second best to a tv and a bunch of foot ball players that don't give a shit about him. Remind him of the times when things were better. You can do that by leaving. I did that to my husband and he said he never realized how lonely things were without me. You need to be firm with him. Screw being submissive to him. Football is a game. It would be different if he was on the team. Next time he says something mean to the kids. Make him stop and repeat it and make him look at the looks on your childrens faces and maybe it will open his eyes. I'll keep you in my prayers. If you need to talk, I'm here all the time.
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 5:53 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Since you knew this when you married him, you cannot expect him to behave any differently. This is who he is. To now want him to be someone different is unfair. Withholding sex to punish him is only going to make your life worse. The expectations that we have are the downfall of way too many marriages. The best advice I have for you is to take advantage of the time he is at home, even if he's parked in front of the television. If your children are old enough, encourage them to watch parts of games with their dad. Please don't put yourself in the position of mediating between dad and child. And, you yourself should probably join him in front of the tube, as well.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:43 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • I have been married  for 24 years with 5 kids. DH loves hunting. Did not establish this until 6 years ago. He got carried away with it. Instead of telling him this or that b/c men cannot respond that way. I SHOWED him something different he HAD NOT seen in me. I started leaving the house and got all dolled up. Not  hoochie dolled  up but when he WAS home I told him to watch the kids I AM GOING OUT. This was not his familiar. I went to the book store and listened to tapes, went to go eat with a friend WHATEVER. Just to show him if he had something then  I can..

    MamaGuru

    Answer by MamaGuru at 9:59 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • CONTINUE....He didnt mind it at first but sooner or later it started bothering him.  Enough that he had to question ME...He stared SEEING for himself their was no balance that he started asking me to go out...At that time I tld him how he made me feel and now we did establish ome balance...

    MamaGuru

    Answer by MamaGuru at 10:01 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • from OP: Thanks fo the advice ladies. Yes, I did know he loved football when we married, but it was not this extreme - going away on a weekend to a out of town game, etc. He has no patience with the kids while watching TV - he pushes them away, outside while on the tube, and they are really trying for his attention. It is sad. Our kids are ttoo small to enjoy football
    I am not withholding sex as punishment either, but it has become him groping me when ready for sex, no foreplay.
    I dunno what I will do, babysitters are impossible to come by here. I will think on all your advice though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Is he a husband or another child?

    Ridiculous.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 11:06 AM on Dec. 8, 2008

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