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2 Bumps

What's worse.... adult content

to have no dad or to have a shitty dad??

And by shitty I mean is a terrible role model- no job, doesn't show up when he says he will, makes empty promises, addicted to pills, addicted to gambling, has mental issues that he will not treat, verbally abusive to me, manipulative to my son's feelings..... So would my son be better off with no dad in the picture or am I supposed to just be happy his dad is around even though he sucks???

And, no we are no longer together and I did go to court but the judge believes that we need to share physical custody.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on May. 23, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (21)
  • Shitty dad. I was raised never knowing my biodad because my mom determined that he was a bad person and I shouldnt be around him. My kids have a shitty dad but atleast they know him and know he is shitty. I would rather have been able to make that decision about my dad for myself.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:46 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I think it's always better to have a Dad, even if he's rubbish, when the child gets old enough they can decide by themselves wheather or not they wish to see their Dad.
    kylie_bob

    Answer by kylie_bob at 12:46 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • It's worse to have a shitty dad....I didnt know my bio-dad until I was 7 or 8...and honestly I was better off not knowing him, he's made my life a living hell until I finally completely cut him out of it 5 years ago.
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 12:48 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • IDK, my first instinct is no dad. My dad was shitty. Abusive. So I would have rather had no dad, however, I'm sure those raised without dads probably feel different.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 12:48 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • The lesser of two evils would be a shitty dad, it's stressful and hurtful throughout the process of having them around (no matter how much or not they are), but not knowing one would be worse I think
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 12:49 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • shitty, let the kid decide for themselves ....my son is 23 now and it took him till he was 16 to realize what an asshole his dad is, but he said it made him respect me 10 times more since I took the high road and never bashed the jerk in front of him
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 12:54 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I would say no dad. If they grow up with a shitty dad, that is what they might think is normal, and become that themselves.
    minimo77

    Answer by minimo77 at 1:09 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • What's worse? IMO, having a shitty Dad would be worse, especially if he were abusive. Yes, it would stink not to know your father, but if he were awful, knowing him would only cause pain.
    DusterMommy

    Answer by DusterMommy at 1:16 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • It is better to have no dad in that instance. I was raised by a single, shitty dad. He never wanted a girl-child. I grew up never being enough. The emotional, mental, and psychological scars I have from my raising I would wish on NO CHILD. Growing up I always wished I was adopted and that my "real" parents would come take me out of the hell I was in.

    In your case all you can do is document EVERYTHING this genetic donor does. He does not deserve the title of dad/father. Every broken promise, every nasty comment, all of it. Eventually the courts will side with you, but you have to have PROOF as to how horrible he is.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:16 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I think having a shitty dad is worse than no dad. All courts think that shared custody is best...in theory it is...but let's face it....you are not together for a reason....and raising a child can cause a lot of fights. On the 'bright side' most dads that are like you described...are not in the kids life very often or very long.

    I agree to document everything...even down to the days that he didn't show up or showed up late. Ask for a drug test when/if you go to court again. Good luck!
    PsychicSherry

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 1:28 PM on May. 23, 2011

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