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2 Bumps

If you have more than one child, could you love and be there for one child, and then totally blow off the other??? (vent!)


My mother ended up messaging me saying that she wanted to see my daughter and would like to see me when she came to Kansas. Here is the thing, my brother was the very LAST person she would ever expect to want to talk to her. He just has been so angry over the years at her that he just never wanted to hear from her. Well when he decides to talk to her all of a sudden NOW my daughter is important?? NOW she wants to see her just cuz she thinks that now that my brother wants to say hi that we can all be one big happy family??? NO i dont think so. My daughter didnt matter all this time and NOW she matters. Thats bullshit. Im not gonna fight for her attention or weigh out who she loves more out of us 3 kids. I dont want to get hurt by her anymore... am i being unreasonable? I tried and tried to have a relationship with her since my sophmore year in highschool and im almost 21 now. Im just done with her shit. A part of me wants to tell her that i dont wanna be hurt by her anymore, but then another part of me wants to apologize for ignoring her messages and that i have a bigger heart then that and will be willing to try again...what do i do.. ugh...

Below is a bit of what happened not long ago that i had posted awhile back.


LONG story short. My mother has had 3 kids. My half sister with one man and 2 (my brother and i) with our dad. She dropped off the face of the earth since we were kids. Nothing to do with us. Years later i find her and we try to have a relationship, but i dont think i need to tell you how that ended since she was awful enough to leave her kids in the first place.

We did not end on good terms at all. Well randomly my brother decides he wants to talk to her for the first time in years. So he wanted me to give him her number. He called the number and he said it didnt go thru. Like the number was disconnected or something. So i text her and tell her my brother wants to say hi to her and if this was her number. She didnt say anything back. But then my half sister texted her "hey" and got an immediate reply.

This irritates me not because i actually care to talk to her..but the fact that she is choosing to talk to only ONE of her kids, when my half sister does not want to talk to her either. She only texted her "hey" to see if it was her number still.
What kind of mother does that?
She is an awful person. When i met her she did nothing but talk shit on my deceased father.. what kind of mother does that? Regardless of what happened between two child should be told awful things about their dead father from their "mother".
She called me awful things and after i got pregnant i just decided that there was no reason for me to talk to her. I would NEVER do the things she has done or say the things she has said to my daughter so why do i feel like I deserve that?

Ive already been hurt by her at the fact that she didnt ever want me in the first place. But when she chooses to talk to my sister but not me.. that actually hurts worse. What the fuck did i ever do to deserve this? I didnt get a chance in the first place..she already chose to hate me when i was born.

Anyway... could you really be able to choose between your kids?? Is there really ANYTHING that could keep you from loving your kids?? Cuz i cant think of a thing that would stop me from ever being there for my duaghter.

Answer Question

Asked by Mommy103110 at 1:58 PM on May. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,699 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I have five kids that I am/have raised on my own. (27yrs down to 7yrs)I love them all dearly! You are really better off that she did run off...and you can be the mom that she could never live up to. SHE is the one missing out....not you. Also....keep in mind that the reason she can not love you like you should be...are HER issues and NOT becaue you don't deserve to be loved. HUGS!

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 2:04 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • There is not one thing in this world that could make me not be there and be involved in my childrens lives or my grandchildrens lives. i am so sorry that this is going on for you. Some people just really aren't capable of being decent to the ones that they should love. it remains a mystery. My grandchildrens "other" grandparents aren't involved in their lives and one of their dads is not involved, and i just really don't understand why....

    Answer by nybor48 at 2:04 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I really couldnt judge the situation without knowing both sides of the story. My husbands grandma left her 5 kids and never went back because his grandpa was abusive. So I know situations like that do exist. She ended up dying before she could ever talk to her kids again, but Im pretty sure she might have wanted to set the record straight if she had lived as to why she left in the first place. I am not condoning her abandonment, but simply saying without knowing everything its hard to judge. Maybe she felt you didnt believe her and why she left/.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:05 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • No I couldn't, but you just described my 'father' to a tee. He is not physically dead, but he is dead to me. Sometimes the only choice you have is to cut toxic people out of your life.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:06 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • i can but my step kids mother did she hates my step son for some resons she was a bad mum to all of her kids ones in care 2 and 2 live with me the 4th dose live with her but he only a baby . i dont get why she the way she if she lies all te time and talks bad about me and dh but we rasing her kids

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • IMO how could you leave your kids if there was abuse in the home? If a man abuses his wife he will abuse the kids.

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 2:08 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • It happens. Sometimes people are faced with leaving to save their own sanity or staying and losing it completely. My understanding with my husbands grandma was he did not allow her to take the kids. It was also a different time (early 60s) so she had limited options. We have many more today.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:10 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I couldn't do it, but I have a friend whose parents treat her like crap, and revere her brothers and sisters. Her parents even have the nerve to call her ex-husband, more than they call her, after her ex-husband cheated on her with her own sister, and was watching porn when they were married. She had a baby in December, and they have yet to see the baby.

    I really don't know what to say to you other than, some people just never change and you can't make them change. I don't have a relationship with my brother, and I know that unless something miraculous happens, he will never change. I have had to accept this and get on with my life. I can only imagine how hard this is for you since this is your mother, but at some point you will have to just accept that this is the way she is, and live your life. It's her loss, not yours!!

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 2:17 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • God Bless you and I hope you get through this. I have a half sis and bro, we all had the same dad. All my life, though my parents NEVER showed favoritism to any of us, my sis SWEARS they loved me more. I am 48 and still hear s**t about it.

    Answer by Dahis at 2:23 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I lived with both my parents and two siblings. To this day my mother and father favor my younger sister and brother. Of the three kids I am the only one who graduated high school, married at 22 and never once had my parents support us, we work hard for what we have. My sister got married to move out but he left her cuz he caught her cheating, she married again and lived at my moms until her kids were 5. My brother hit both his wives, signed over all parental rights to his first born to her new dad, and now has dumped two of his kids off at my parents for them to take care of them and offers no financial support for them. With all this my parents are always saying how proud they are of them and how I should strive to be a better sister. It hurts, but even though I was raised like that I never treat my children like that! I have a girl and a boy who I spend equal amounts of time with both.

    Answer by DutchessVikki at 2:30 PM on May. 23, 2011

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