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3 Bumps

So. My son is gay.

Which doesn't bother me at all. I still love him and any boyfriend he has is more than welcome here but I'm sort of at a loss as for guidelines. Should I not let his guy friends who he says are just friends in his room now? Should I allow him to have his friends that are girls in his room now? Should I change the rules at all? He is 17 and has always been very responsible and trustworthy. My husband and I are at a loss as far as setting new rules.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:33 PM on May. 23, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • I think the same rules apply as if he were dating a girl, good for you momma to be so accepting, but please educate him on condom use and whatnot, but no I wouldn't allow them to be in his room alone, if that is what you would do if he was dating a girl! Check out local PFLAG organizations, you will meet lots of parents in your same shoes,, huggs to you!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 8:37 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Yes, I agree. You shouldn't treat him any differently then if he was dating a girl. Just because he's gay doesn't mean he's an adult.
    Razzle_Dazzle1

    Answer by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 8:42 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • no, new rules would be bad !!!!! talk to your son and tell him that you don't want him messing around in your house he's 17 he'll get it and let him know that there will be consequences to that just the same with a boyfriend as it would be if it was a girlfriend the gender doesn't matter other than that let him be. he was honest with you!!! good job mom!!!! I'm very proud of you for being open minded about this and it goes to show that you already have a good relationship with your son because he's talked to you so give him the same respect that he's shown you!

    traren

    Answer by traren at 8:41 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • good for you for not letting it bother you! your son is VERY lucky that he has accepting parents. you made his life a LOT easier. I can't imagine how happy he must be and what a relief it was to come out to you guys and be accepted. <3 we need more people like you in this world

    as for new guidelines... its great that he is trustworthy. talk to him about what he thinks the guidelines should be, involve him in setting new rules, he would be more likely to follow them if he was involved and had a voice. sounds like you wont have many problems since he's trust worthy. maybe just make him keep his door open when friends are over. good luck!
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 8:47 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • If he is trustworthy I wouldn't do anything until he proves otherwise.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 8:35 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • good call on the PFLAG suggestion kimigogo! they are a great group!

    if it were my son (which who knows, one day it could be?) i would go by the my house my rules. i'm not a big authoritarian, but i would say that *you* do what makes *you* comfortable. because it is your house. when i had other kids in my parents' home, my mom had rules like we had to stay in the common areas, even girlfriends because as we got older, she didn't want us up in the bathroom smoking and burn the house down! :) you know your son best, and i am sure that your common sense will rule the day.
    dwmom2008

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 8:43 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I agree, the rules would be the same for girls dating boys, etc. Open doors, no "alone time" in my home. Kurfew, etc.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:46 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I'd say bedroom door always OPEN for sure is a necessary rule for both girls & boys visiting.
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 9:36 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • When I was growing up I had a real good friend, he was brought up very religious. And he used to come over into my bedroom, but it had a pocket door which had to remain open. My little sisters liked him, but he was just a friend to me. And my brother used to hang out with us too, so we were never really alone.
    Just have him leave his door open.
    SeasideNative

    Answer by SeasideNative at 8:57 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Thanks ladies. DH and I had a talk with him. We explained to him that we want him to keep his bedroom door open when friends are over and that we don't want any friends sleeping over. We told him while we still love him and respect his lifestyle, we don't want anything going down in our house at least until he's 18 which would be no different if he liked girls. He was upset about the no sleepovers and asked why we didn't trust him and we explained we do trust him, but we don't want to put the temptation there for him. He said that nothing's happened yet and he realized he was gay about six months ago which is a valid point so we told him sleepovers have to happen in the living room and only friends. We also explained to him that while there isn't a risk of pregnancy, STDS are still an issue so he should still use protection. He's very understanding about the rule change and said he's just happy we are accepting what he is.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:17 PM on May. 23, 2011

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