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2 Bumps

Confused and Don't know what to do

Hello all, This is my first post here on CafeMom, so please bear with me if I don't get the abbreviations correct. So here is my problem. I have been seeing this guy for a little over a year now. At first all was good but that didn't last long. I will admit that I did something that may not have been the best choice which was emailing a guy in the Navy. Who by the way is roughly 4,000 miles away from me. My current BF found out and got very mad or rather irate. For months I put up with his crap, such as degrading me, calling me names, etc. I have also done everything to prove how sorry I was. Now I feel I must also point out that he is no angel either, just to name a few things he has done, he was married for the first few months of our relationship and lied about it. He also placed key loggers on my moms computer and recorded everything and kept records including my SSN my moms SSN. He got into my email and erased a pic of one of my exes, then claimed he shouldn't have to erase the pics of his exes. He has also become very violent. So now I am at the point that I honestly do not want to be with him anymore. Problem is my kids love and adore him to death. So my question is what do I do? I have tried talking to him and it doesn't work. He is already in counselling and has been since long before he met me, but that don't seem to be working either. I have tried threatening to leave but that only works for a day or two. Oh and also no matter what everything is always somehow my fault. He is constantly doing things that he knows he shouldn't be and when I find out his excuse is always "I was mad". So ladies any advice would be very much appreciated.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on May. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You need to leave for the safety of yourself. I am sure one day your children will understand everything. The relationship sounds very unhealthy. Also, sounds like a lot of emotional, mental, and possible physical abuse. GET OUT NOW! Some day, it could be too late. Be a strong women and do not be afraid to leave.

    Answer by LittleCsMommy at 9:45 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Ummmm........leave!

    Answer by staceysgorbach at 9:47 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Get out of it and get out now . From what you say he is not the kind of man with whom you can have a good permanent relationship..

    Never mind what the children think . The way he has behaved sounds paranoid to me and verbal and/or physical violence with humiliation is not only unjustifiable but a dire warning for you of what will be in store for you if you relent . I expect his previous wife was very glad to be rid of him .

    Answer by janet116 at 9:56 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • leave him and leave him quickly! when I read your description of what was going on, I thought you were leading up to saying that he was stalking you after you left him,,
    but you're still with him and your kids are too?

    I'd leave and see what you can do legally about the fact that he has your SS# and your mothers, this may not go well!

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 10:00 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I did not even finish reading all of your post..

    For what reason..

    Sounds like the two of you had an 8th grade romance and now it is time to move on.

    You have no foundation what so ever.

    Answer by Dannee at 10:00 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • If he degrades you and violates your privacy why do you bother to stay in a relationship? Love is not that complicated. Trust has been broken and it's time to move on. There is nothing healthy about this relationship and for the sake of the children, it needs to end.

    Answer by socialworker227 at 10:06 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • leave him. he sounds very controlling and psycho. it is very troubling that he has both u and your mothers' SSN. He is not worth it.

    Answer by gwen20 at 10:11 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • leave him, if you can't do it for yourself then do it for your children. men like this end up killing the woman, and i think your kids would like to have you around for a long time. it is not going to get better, it will only get worse. once you reach this point there is no turning back. he is who he is. and if counseling hasnt worked so far it isnt going to

    Answer by hismommy6509 at 10:12 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • He will eventually turn on your babies. Do you want that? You need to leave. Have someone hold you accountable. Get the police involved when he begs for you back. Put all his stuff outside and let the police be there to get his stuff. It is over and he needs to move on. Sounds like this relationship could become more abusive.
    You were only dating not married when you were talking to that other person. So he needs to drop it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I have to agree with the rest of the women. You need to leave. If he can be that cruel now, how do u know what might happen next? The answer u don't. You dont know what else could happen and u need to get out before its to late. Yes it will be hard to leave but it will be good for u and your children. You will be safe and so will ur kids. They will understand later on in life what happened and eventually u will find someone better that makes u and your kids happy. U deserve to be happy. Your probably going to have to go through some kind of process as far as the fact of him having your SSN and if he is already degrading u and, emotionally abusing u, you might want a restraining order so he does not try to stalk or hurt you physically. I really hope u leave for your sake and your kids. I have already been through the emotional abuse and now I am single, safe and happy & so r my kids. GL with everything. Hugs

    Answer by mama2005 at 10:16 PM on May. 23, 2011

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