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Do you pay people back for gifts they have bought your children or for yourself

Ok so long story my MIL offered to give us $100 dollars as a wedding present before the wedding so we could buy what was left on the list (this was her wedding gift) then when we found out we were pregnant she wanted to buy us a crib for DD but we had already picked the one and bought the rest of the items in the bedroom set...so she said ok well i still want to buy something for the baby as an early gift for your baby shower is there anything else you were looking at? We told her about a play yard and swing and left it up to her to pick which one (we weren't expecting much we never ask her for anything) so surprise to us she spent nearly $400 on a play yard and a swing we were blown away couldn't stop thanking her.....fast forward a couple months and our doctor told me i had gestational diabetes so FIL (who makes all the money) tells his wife to come to town and buy us food so the baby and i are healthy (we told him it wasn't necessary he told us if she doesn't come back with receipts over a couple hundred dollars he would be very angry with us and if we tried to pay it back he would stop talking to us). Lastly for christmas they bought DD an exersaucer toy ......so here's the problem we've had a falling out pretty much since DD was born and she told us since we were so ungrateful we could pay her back for all they've done.

so my question would you pay back nearly $700 in gifts or pack them up and give them back i don't believe in giving something and then holding it over someones head...but i guess they do

PS. i am 17 weeks pregnant and can't exactly snap my fingers and make the money appear ok vent over

 

PSS. we have tried many times to mend fences but when we do it has to be on their terms they are never willing to meet us half way they expect us to make the trips and when they come to our town they don't bother to come over to even see there granddaughter(they come to our town five to 6 times a month and haven't seen there granddaughter in 5 months) but we are neglecting them by not being able to afford to make the trip

 
krissii

Asked by krissii at 10:53 PM on May. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,127 Credits)
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Answers (15)
  • Those gifts were bought for her grandchild. (even the food that kept you and baby healthy when you were preg). I would just laugh at how petty she is being.If she wants to act like a child let her, and ignore it. Sounds like she is trying to control you guys with money. If she wants the stuff back tell her she has to explain to the child why they are taking away her play-yard thing. If she actually does that, what a heartless B****. Don't let her actually do it. From what I can tell you and DH are both adults, she doesn't get to punish/control you. If she brings it up again, remind her that these were gifts for their grandchild. She sounds mental!! Also in court, you don't get gifts back cuz you're mad!!!
    phoenixstar

    Answer by phoenixstar at 7:22 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • There is nothing that shows you are more greatful that using what they've given you. They are your inlaws and a falling out can eventually be forgotten. You are family.
    SeasideNative

    Answer by SeasideNative at 11:12 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Sounds like they were GIFTS and no, you don't have to pay them back. Also sounds like MIL is being petty and maybe a little hurt. I think I would try to mend the fences. We've had several "falling outs" with my parents in the 25 years we've been married and they were always over our son. We've always managed to get passed them, even the one where they had my aunt call CPS.

    I hope things get better between you guys.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 11:08 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • So they have a stick up their butt because you don't have any money for the expensive gas to put in your car to go visit? If you had the money, would you go? From the sounds of it, I'm sure you've let them know you'd be more than willing to visit if you could afford the gas (they do realize gas prices are outrageous right now, right?).

    I'm sorry, momma :( I am with these other ladies. They were GIFTS not LOANS. You didn't specifically ask (except in the case of them asking you what you needed and you letting them know, but that doesn't really count) for these things. Ugh, I hate people like that :(
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:30 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • i personally wouldnt pay them back or give the gifts back but i would make amends with them. they sound like good people who really cared about all of you, and your child needs there grandparents so if i was you i would suck it up, apologize, invite them over for dinner and forgive and forget
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:09 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • I wouldn't pay them back or give the gifts back, I would talk to them though and see if things can be fixed. They sound like they care about you and your kid a lot so hopefully things get better. Don't worry about this, sounds like she just said it in anger and didn't mean it.
    GomezMami2908

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 11:12 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Sounds like she is probably talking out of hurt and anger, it sounds irrational thats why I say that. I would try to talk to them and make amends, life is too short, thats if the falling out wasnt over something too major, i can understand that some things are harder to move on from, Good Luck with this situation.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 11:16 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • the problem is she did mean it she expects a check it's ridiculous and the fight has been building for 8 months if we say anything to disagree with her then she will cry and tell us we are horrible people and we break her heart ....example we told her we didn't want DD's pictures on the internet so minutes after we were told our DD would be in the nicu and may never make it out she told us it was because we were horrible parents and this was our punishment for breaking her heart over the photos
    krissii

    Comment by krissii (original poster) at 11:28 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Keep sending them photos of DD--maybe using the gifts they gave her!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Gifts are just that...gifts. It is wrong for them to decide that since there is a strain in your relationship, that you now owe them for what they did before.

    That said, I would probably give them back the physical items that they gave you. I don't know what they would do with a swing and play yard, but I guess they seem to want it.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:41 PM on May. 23, 2011

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