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4 Bumps

Seen marriage counselor, any of you seen one? did it help?

Seen counselor today for the first time, met with me alone, will meet with hubby alone in a week then both of us together that same day. We were separated for a month not too long ago, I had an affair 4 years ago and we are just now really dealing with that and getting resolution. The counselor said that it is not uncommon for couples that take the counseling seriously and really push to be open, honest and calm...and that put forth the necessary effort..to come out of things like this a stronger couple than they ever were before and to come out happier and healthier than they might believe they can be again. Said the affair will never be erased from memory, but over time it becomes less important and after a couple years all of that trust can be earned back. Said I am doing everything the way I should with honesty, disclosure, acknowledging what I did wrong, apologetic etc etc...that I need to understand sometimes he will seem controlling due to the lack of trust and I need to accept that and reassure him during those moments that I am in this marriage 100% etc. said he is going to talk to him about clearly telling me what he expects and wants because right now he is not telling me much other than how upset he is at me. Addressed what made the affair happen in the first place, said it is never a healthy, happy marriage that has an affair. Their is always some underlying issue even if very small and that issue has to be tackled, I already knew that issue, and its not a small one for me, its one that brings me to tears somedays and makes me cry out of pure joy on others.

Any of you seen marriage counselors? How did it go? Was it rough in the beginning? He warned me it might get nitty gritty sometimes as we cannot ignore the painful topics, those are the ones that we need to be open about and work out.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:01 AM on May. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • we are in counceling now - it seems to be going well, but i can't tell you the results yet - i figure its worth a shot
    nurse_maya

    Answer by nurse_maya at 5:10 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • I would say you have an excellent chance at having a better marriage than you've ever had. The key is that you have to be honest and face yourself, and that can get pretty ugly. The good news is that you can do it!!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:57 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • My ex and I went to a marriage counselor. He was controlling and verbally abusive for years and had refused marriage counseling up to that point. Basically, the counselor led me to see that I was capable of being on my own and strong enough to do it. I left him 6 months after we started counseling, but he had told me before we started that he wasn't going to change. If both of us had been willing to work on it, it probably would have helped.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:35 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • Nope, my ex refused it on more than one occasion. We ended up divorced.

    1smartcookie

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 11:18 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • so the ones that dont take it seriously or refuse to do it....dont work. but the ones that really go for it, improve
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:14 PM on May. 24, 2011

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