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3 Bumps

What would you do?

Morgan (15mo dd) loves her dad, when he's with her she is so happy and he's good with her, when he's not around she always asking for daddy! daddy!.

Me and him were best friends for years and together for about a year and a half before getting pregnant (unplanned). He has just turned 20 by the way.

Things got rocky in dec when I found out he had been cheating, he doesn't give me any money regularly (nor has he ever) to help me with Morgan and infact he owes me £400 since before dec. He has been seeing Morgan often since we broke up and sometimes takes her to his (mums) house for a few hours.

So I am obviously pissed that he thinks its ok to not support her financially at all, he doesn't buy her anything either rather than give me the money. Yesterday, I find out that he owes some dealer £300, I find out that he's been selling stuff too (weed) (so what/who has he been spending the money on??), but here's what I am super pissed about - the dealer (who know's an old friend of mine and contacted her since he couldn't get hold of him) told my friend today that it's out of his hands now, and that she (friend) better tell me that these other guys might come to my house about it!! Fortunately i've moved recently and they would only possibly know my old address.

Of course now I wan't to tell dds dad to totally distance himself from us in order to protect my daughter from this bs. Like I said she loves her daddy, when is the time to give him another chance if I stop letting him be around us? What do I wait for him to do? How do I know he's changed if we won't be seeing him? How do I deal with the fact dd will miss him like crazy? :( :(

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:03 AM on May. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Little ones get over things faster than we think. You should be focusing on going to a lawyer and laying down rules for support and visitation asap. No one can hold you responsible for his debts. You need to tell this, all of it, to a lawyer. There are orders of protection, too. If you cannot afford a lawyer, contact a women shelter or your City Hall to find out where you can get help for a single mother with a baby. Do not let him have the baby at his house nor mom's until you reach a written agreement with him. Let him come to yours or to a neutral party's (like an aunt) where you can have supervised visits with him. Document anything and everything he does or gives to you or your baby. Document days, dates, times, and also conversations you have with him pertaining to you or your child. Keep all phone calls or texts if you use a cell phone. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to let go and move on.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:22 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • Well, sounds like you don't have much of a choice, considering safety is a major issue! it's unfortunate for your daughter but he needs to get his life together. He's jeopardizing your two's lives, There would be NO contact whats so ever until he fixes the situation. Maybe his daughter will be reason enough to get out of the crap he's in! Granted she will miss him but at least she will be safe!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 7:26 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • I completely agree with rosiemendo. I know yr dd will be upset in the short term but she will, like u, be much better off in the long term. She will soon get over it & if she's got other ppl around her, she'll forget all about him. Contact a woman's shelter or a woman's group to ensure u have back-up.
    Stace x
    stace101

    Answer by stace101 at 7:37 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • Dangerous situation. Tell him to get his shit straight before coming around you guys again. His dd deserves better than that. Yes he treats her good , but putting her in danger is not good at all.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 7:58 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • yeah she will miss him but u have to keep her safe. sounds like he's living rough right now that will not only effect him but others in his life.
    mrsary

    Answer by mrsary at 7:59 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • I will assume you are not in the U.S. so not sure what the laws are where you are but in America we can't just make the bio dad stay away bc we don't like what they do. Dads have rights whether they pay their cs or not. I'd talk with a legal representative and get the court to decide what is best for your dd regarding dad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • When is it time for you to give him another chance? When is it time for you to just move on and leave this man alone? He's oviously not taking responsibilty for his kid. From what I read in your post, I would run far away from this man as I possibly can. I'm not telling you what to do, but come on, use some common sense here. If he's not paying other people, or helping you, what good is he to you?
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 8:04 AM on May. 24, 2011

  • Take your loser ex to court. They will garnish his wages and investigate drug charges. I applaud you for letting him have a relationship with his DD even though he wasnt paying child support. I dont think the relationship should be contingent on payment. Thats not fair to the kids. On the other hand, your ex has crossed the line. He has put you and your child in danger. There have to be repurcussions for doing this or he will continue to do so. Let the court figure out what the consequences will be.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 2:14 PM on May. 24, 2011

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