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How do I help my son have high self-esteem and self-confidence?

I have a 9 year old son who is very smart and handsome but he has very low self-esteem and no self-confidence. He has no friends at school because he is so shy that he will not talk to anyone. I do not know what to do to help him. Please if anyone know what I can do to help my son, please response.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Dec. 8, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Well, theres not really much YOU can do without making the situation worse. If he enjoys any kind of sport or club you should get him involved, if not then your just going to have to let him do it on his own. Or you could always pull the rich kid card. Get him an iphone or ipod or anything that everyone else wants. Even a new fad in clothes might help, Just something to catch other kids attention. When others start talking to him he'll gain confidence on his own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Praise him, gently, for his successes. When he messes up be gentle and don't criticize, tell or show him how he can do better next time. If he is around you when you are socializing and sees how you behave, - that you smile, look people in the eye, ask about them, and so forth, it will help him find out how to behave socially. He should join groups of others his age, at church or community groups, or clubs at school. Tell him to smile, and as I said above, look people in the eye and behave as if he is interested in them.

    Answer by Bmat at 1:37 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Try positive affirmations and comparisons. Ask him to write down 5 (or more!) things he likes about himself, then post those things on a mirror or desk--someplace he sees the list everyday multiple times. Ask him to read the list to himself AND aloud and while smiling, over and over again!

    Next have him write down the personality traits he admires in his PEERS, and have him tell you why he admires those things. Chances are he HAS those very same traits, or even better ones, but just doesn't realize it.

    I would also get him involved in sports or social groups that MATCH his interests or knowledge. Kids who have a passion about some hobby or group in which they excel are bound to develop confidence as the group rewards him with positive acknowledgments and various awards, etc.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 1:43 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • Get him involved in an individual sport - one where he doens't have to make friends with his teammates. Martial Arts has a great track record of building self-esteem. And when the other kids at school find out he is learning it, they just might thing he's cool.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 4:58 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • My 16 yr. old bro. had a little bit of that problem and then my mom told him sooooo many times all day long every day that he was sooo handsome and gorgeous etc. that now his ego is sooo enormous I'm suprised there's enough room left for any one else! Activities that he enjoys as well as good at. Like football or some comic drawing class something that you know he will succeed at helps with this as well.

    Answer by watersgirls at 5:13 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

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