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4 Bumps

Brother in laws? adult content

Okay my brother in law is only twenty and he just recently started seeing this twenty-nine year old girl that has three kids. Well I disapprove of this because her divorce isnt final yet and she already has her kids calling him daddy. How do you explain to him that he doesnt want to get to attached to her kids in case something happens between them? Her dad has warned my brother in law to stay away from her because she is bad news. Shouldnt that tell him to run the other way? I am very close to my brother in law because he has took the place of my brother that passed away. How can I voice my opinion to him with out losing another brother? Can use some advice please.

 
shelle21

Asked by shelle21 at 12:13 PM on May. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,522 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • That would be a very difficult thing to talk about. As he is "in love" with her, so he is infatuated and sees what he wants to see (in her) and he will ignore and tune out the negative things about her. If you say anything 'bad' about her, he will get upset at you and defend her, and it could cause a rift between you. He is also an adult, and free to make his own decisions - even if they do not seem like the right decisions. If it were me I would tell him that you love him, and that you want the best for him, and you are there for him if he needs someone to talk to. I would not say too much about her to him, maybe make a few random comments to him and give him something to think about. good luck!! I hope all works out with BIL!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:21 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • i tried the same thing with my bil..it didnt work..he married this gal with all 3kids with diff daddies..my thing is if he is dumb enough to ask for the punishment let him have that whooping lol..he will learn in due time
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 12:16 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • You can't do much. My bil was with an older woman who had kids when he was 22. She saw dollar signs he was fresh out of college and had a very good paying job. He eventually realized she was no good and moved on. We tried to tell him that only made him cling more to her. He had to learn the hard way with her. Just be there for him pretty much all you can do.
    chaiteamomma

    Answer by chaiteamomma at 12:18 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • Ask him to dinner and really ask him if he is love with her because when children are involved it is a huge responsibility. He doesn't need to get in too deep if he isn't ready, it will be harder for the children. Explain to him that if he gets attached to these children and they break up he has no right to see them or inquire about them. Is he ready to make that decision. If you tell him she's bad new he will only want to be with her more. Tell him you support whatever decision he thinks is right but tell him your concerns.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 12:19 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • Men can be blinded by vagina sometimes....especially around the age of 20. She is probably more experienced & rocking his world. let him learn from his own mistakes. He is an adult now & if he chooses to learn things the hard way, then so be it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:24 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • Question? - Is she worth damaging your relationship with him over? I'm guessing that answer would be NO, if not HELL NO - right? He's 20 years old - you ARE NOT going to be able to talk him out of laying with this dog of a woman. And the harder you try, the more coy you are - the clearer it becomes to him that you don't approve of HIM. He just won't see it the way you and FIL see it. I would think that it would be better for you to bite your tongue and prepare to hold him up with this all goes south - Lessons like this can't be taught - they have to be bought. He'll find in the end that the cost of this relationship was too great - you don't want him to come out of this thinking that you don't support him. Sometimes the best kind of love is a silent love. Sometimes you aren't just a bystander, but standing by for when he's really gonna need you. One is a happenstance, the other a choice. Be careful with this one. GL
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 12:24 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • He has allready gotten the lecture from his family. Stay out of it unless he asks you directly for your opinion. Other than that just be polite and set a good example for them both of a 'good' relationship thats drama free.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 12:33 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • brothers in law? nope. I had a sister in law tho. but in our family,we don't say much.we stay away from battles.
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 12:35 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • You really cannot say much to a 20 yo. They think that they know everything. Listen to him, and be there for him. Experience is the best teacher in a situation like this. All you can do is be there for him.
    dwmom2008

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 12:44 PM on May. 24, 2011