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MIL? adult content

I recently found out that my MIL didn't want me to marry my husband becasue she thought I was bad news. But in my defense I never did anything to make her feel like that and I have never treated him or her badly. But me, DH, and MIL were out together and ran into one of her friends who told me what she had said. After hearing what was said I felt like I couldnt trust her and I had lost all my respect for her. What would you do in my situation? I have learned to look over it for my DH and daughters sake. But how do I go about talking about it with my MIL? I use to look at her like my second mom and now I dont know what to think? Help please.

 
shelle21

Asked by shelle21 at 12:18 PM on May. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,522 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I would let it go. I would love my husband in the best way possible. And I would treat her with respect and courtesy whenever I was in her presence. I would accept the fact that we will never be best friends and I would be happy in that decision. How can I say these things? Because I lived with a situation very similar to yours for almost 45 years, and I worked my tail off to make the woman like me. She never did. She went to her grave thinking her son had made a huge mistake when he chose to spend his life with me. In my husband's words, "She would not have been happy had I married Mother Teresa, so don't worry about it!"
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:42 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • A lot of moms are overprotected about there boys marrying. It was in the past as long as she treats you decent now I wouldn't worry about it.
    Eisleysmommy27

    Answer by Eisleysmommy27 at 12:21 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • You have to think about why she would say that. Were you bad news back in the day? If she's fine with you now and she only said that in the past why ruin the relationship you have now if it's good. The past is the past and we can't change it. Let it go, don't try to stir things that are over with up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • In my opinion, I think you should just tell her that you feel very disrespected and hurt by what she said. She should respect you as the mother of her Grand daughter, and her sons wife. You should tell her that you felt as if she was a second mother, and now you feel like you don't know how to be around her.. You should def. address the situation.. Especially since you're TRYING to respect her for your family!
    Momma2be11

    Answer by Momma2be11 at 12:23 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • My MIL was the same way and said the same sorts of things about me because I was divorced with kids, and my dh had never been married and had no children. We have been together now since 2003 and what she said is no big deal. I know over time I have proven myself to love her son, and not be bad news. I have given him a child of his own, someone she loves very much. So what someone says when they first meet you can and usually does change once they see your actions. I would leave it alone.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:24 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • well if things have been fine with you two then you shouldn't find it hard to just be honest with her and talk it over and tell her that you were just told that and you don't understand why... it's better to be honest and open about and get it off your chest... and i'm sure it was something side a long time ago too. GL
    mommys2cupcakes

    Answer by mommys2cupcakes at 12:24 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • Loose lips sink ships. Dont pay any attention to your MIL's (not so good) friend. If your MIL hasent done anything to make you feel bad than this comment should be forgotten. Obviously your MIL has made it a point to include you in her family or atleast accept you as part of her sons life. She probobly felt like she was losing her son at the time and vented to her friend. Thats what friends are for. But thats in the past and you are her sons wife now. If she has been treating you like her daughter than accept that, cause you are a lucky woman! Some Mil's are rude and disrespectful to your face!
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 12:28 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • I would let it go because in the cold light of day this is going to start a fight. When I say fight she is going to deny it and it will look like your just starting a fight . Third party here-say is hard to pinpoint so I would ask and be prepared or let it go and and move on.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:25 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • My MIL has said things like that to my DH in the past. It was not that I was bad or had ever done anything bad unless you count living in my own apartment, having my own car, a job as a detriment. I find it disturbing that the mother of a grown man would behave like that and meddle in his life when there is no reason to but a lot of them do it. I'd probably talk to my DH about it. Ask if this is something that has continued. I know from experience that everything can seem fine, the MIL can smile to your face and still stab you in the back. I would not bring it up with her. People who talk this kind of trash behind your back aren't going to admit it to your face.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • How long ago was it that the comment was made?

    I might make a comment "So...do you still think I'm bad news?"
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:32 PM on May. 24, 2011