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My DH is SO Indecisive it drives me NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!

This is about anything and the small things never used to bother me, we've been together 14 years now but it seems to have gotten worse since our son was born 3-1/2 years ago.. To at first not making enough for his family in his current position but he had a full day with his son so that helped but still tossed at him daily, now he has a different position at work during the days but its longer hours but more money, but now all he does is complain he is spending too much time away from us.. ( which is about an extra hour a day, sometimes 2 ) which does mean he sometimes only see's our son 1-1/2 hours a night so I am trying to understand and be supportive.. we just sold our house and he wants the "Perfect " house. Which isn't possible - we can either move further away, which means driving more and possibly seeing us even less but a perfect house - or move in an area with an older house which isn't "perfect" looking but it woudl be driving as much as we are already - well he keeps going back and forth wanting it ALL.. Ok, but we already SOLD our house.. we close at the end of july.. its driving me NUTS right now.. grr.. I am pretty passive so its hard for me to just say, Listen jack, Make a damn decision already, when in reality I know he'll complain about either one he makes anyway :( anyone else have to deal with this personality

 
maxsmom11807

Asked by maxsmom11807 at 12:41 PM on May. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 29 (40,703 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • First, you can't complain if you're being "passive" about the situation. If he's working and you're not, then it's his problem if he wants a perfect house and working longer at the cost of having less family time with his son. So, rather than getting upset and since you're married, why don't you sit down with him and find out what is important to him and you. What is best for the kid? It seems he does one thing and you think another and then hate him for it. Unless your Omish, you have to talk about it or it'll create more ongoing issues. And from what you say, you don't need or have time for more nonsense in your house. Good luck! And if you opt to do nothing, than you have no one to blame than yourself! Last three words of advice: Communication, Communication and Communication.
    NikkiVan1

    Answer by NikkiVan1 at 12:52 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • It sounds like your husband lacks confidence in himself. You can help that by complimenting and encouraging him whenever he does anything of which you can take note. Just remember to be sincere. If you try to manufacture compliments, he will spot your phoniness and you will do more harm than good. Just concentrate on building up his self-esteem and you will likely see progress in the other areas. If he had a controlling mother, he grew used to having her make his decisions. If he had a passive mother, he grew up never knowing whether he was doing the right thing or not. So, you get to be the deciding vote, and I think that's pretty exciting.

    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:48 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • Not exactly like that but I just had a similar conversation with my husband last night about how he will bitch and complain about not having a say-so, or his opinion doesn't matter, or it doesn't matter what he wants because we always end up with what I want, but then when I really make an effort to let him decide and BEG him to make a choice it's always "It doesn't matter to me, it's whatever you wanna do". Grrrrrrrrrrr.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • NannyB:his mother was beyond over controlling so that makes sense
    Nikki: I am also working full time. We are currently trying to decide what is important to us and really are communicating. WE make a plan or make a decision and he spends the next week changing his mind.. Then we sit down AGAIN, and the same thing happens.. We actually do have great communication as a couple but I do not have time for the back and forth and passive is just my nature, I am just not one to bitch and complain. I am one to make a decision, stick with it and move on to make things better.
    maxsmom11807

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 1:05 PM on May. 24, 2011

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