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Helping my sister....should I also be helping his siblings....

I was originally going to write another question but when writing it I realized a parallel

Here's the deal. I'm 25 and my sister is 18 about to graduate HS, our mom is about to be 40 years old. I have my husband and we have 2 kids (7 and 4), so my life was not some perfect dream, she had me at 15, it was hard for me and her.

My hubby sacraficed everything, worked his butt off so that I could go to college, I got my BS when I was 21, and I started working for a great company who then paid me to get my MS and I make a pretty good living, my Hubby basically does not have to work, but choses to be an entreprenuer.

So we are self made hard working people, no handouts came to us.
My sister is like another child to me, we were all each other had for a while. I am thinking of helping her pay her way thru college so she doesn't have to work full time, but maybe just part time. I also am considering getting her a car but hubby said no, maybe just pay for a bike and public transportation. He said I am going to spoil her and all the college will end up meaning nothing.

At the same token hubby has 3bros and 2 sis. 1 sis has a chrmisomal deff. so we are eventually expecting that we are going to have to pay for her to have 24/7 care. She is with the adoptive mom right now, but she is getting pretty old. His brothers are ages 25,29,19. 29yr old barely makes it, 25yr old didnt finish college and lost focus and is also struggling, and 19yr old is finding himself. They lost their mom when my hubs was 11 so they all did soul searching at one point or another. the other sis is 21 and is a hooker, not really but basically is.
I dont feel the need to help any of them? should I?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on May. 24, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • Well, they aren't your siblings so I see why you don't feel a need to help them. If your DH felt a need to help them that would be something to consider, but if he is ok helping your sister and not his siblings then I think that is ok.. I am very close with my sister, but DH and his sister are not particularly close. We do a lot with my Sister and her Dh and I don't feel guilty about that. We are just much closer to them so we all do more together.

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:51 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • I agree with your husband. YOu mean well, but you will spoil your little sis and all that college education will be wasted. With his siblings, I don't think it's b/c he doesn't want to help them. He knows it's never ending and probably wasted effort. You are self-made, living comfortably, but there's still a limit to your resources, right? YOu need to make sure your family is alright first, then consider others. It sounds selfish, but it's like flying. The flight attendent always says "put your oxygen mask on first, then your child's"...Same applies to siblings, extended family. ...and really if they are adults, they should be responsible for themselves.

    Answer by Olivia4116 at 2:11 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • I say this if your dh wants to help his family then you should if your going to help yours then you should be willing to do the same for his, you will of course like and want to help your own family more because they are yours but your dh also cares about his own family. but if he doesn't want to then not a big deal.

    Answer by momto4girzls at 2:47 PM on May. 24, 2011