Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

I don't know what to do...

I have a friend whose husband left on a deployment not too long ago they have been married alittle over three years. Well she just found some proof that her man is cheating on her, it's exchanges from his military email to craigslist ads soliciting to married men. Also she tells me her body is acting like it's pregnant but she's not pregnant. She has morning sickness, mood swings the whole bit. On top of this she is depressed. Now I have know this woman for 3 years. I have seen her ups and downs. She used to be on an antidepressant, but got off of it because it effected her in a bad way, and getting off of it was hell for her. So she is scared to take more medication. Now I know she's sad and all, but her kids are suffering. She doesn't get out of bed till 2pm. I try to get her to go outside, to the park or to the zoo. She says no, I try to get her up in the morning I was again told no. Now of late she has been not giving them meals. They will eat cereal out of a box and she has water and juice bottles in her room so that they can come to her to get their sippys refilled. But no real meals till dinnertime... This pisses me off. To see kids treated in such a way makes me want to take them from her. Will CPS do anything? Should I call? Also she complains about not feeling good, I am pregnant as well, I have morning sickness. I deal with it, so she should suck it up and be a good mom to her kids. I don't think I can be friends with her anymore because seeing the state her children are in, her house is in just clothes everywhere, they are clean but not put away. What should I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on May. 24, 2011 in Health

Answers (11)
  • I would not call CPS, just try to support her even though it's hard. Is there any of her family members you could call & see if they could come stay with her & help out cuz you have enough on your hands with being pregnant. Sometimes if family thats needed cuz they will tell her the raw truth that friends sometimes cant. But calling CPS would just send her further down the spiral she is on - no one should have their kids taken (depending on circumstances obviously) but I do agree she needs to snap out of it & soon.
    Hope you can find someone to help her & soon:)

    Answer by Ellie15 at 3:55 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • She has a sister but her sister is really busy, 4 kids pets husband and homeschooling. Yes it is hard I'm sick of her excuses! So you're sad suck it up. I tell her how it is, I tell her the raw truth. She knows she's being a bad mom, but still holds on to her excuses...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:58 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • Go and have a heart to heart, she needs someone to kick her butt. You go girl !!!!

    Answer by LeJane at 4:00 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • She needs to confront him. She doesn't have any real facts that I can see. Even if it's on skype, or phone or whatever they can do and you need to confront her and get it through to her she may lose her kids. Try and get her to go to the Dr but tell her she has to take care of her kids or you will turn her in. They have to eat. First she needs to get back on meds. I know what it's like to be depressed and that some people have to stay on their meds. She can't just get off and give up because it sometimes takes more than one drug to get something that works. Until she gets back on her meds she will not be taking anything you say seriously. If you can't make her see someone then you will have to turn her in to someone. That may be the only way she will get help.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 4:04 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • I know I have had a heart to heart with her, she still has her oh im depressed im stressed im going through a fake pregnancy excuses! Ugh I'm really pregnant she doesn't even have a baby in there and thank God for it because this is the type of mother it would be getting.t Then she gets upset with me for getting on her case, we duh! She has confronted him and he says it's not him, that it must be a prank that his fellow friends played on him. So these excuses need to stop!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:13 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • She wont get on meds, because she's scared. Well there are alot of things in life that you're going to have to do even though you are scared.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:15 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • she needs to see a therapist. I would see if you can convince her of that. They will probably recommend medications, but they can't force her to take them. They are still required to provide her with the help she needs though.
    If you call CPS, the kids will be taken and placed in foster care. That isn't always a better situation :( If you are able to, I would just step up and start doing for the kids. I would offer to take them for the day, come over and make them meals as often I could, things like that. She needs help and she needs a doctor :(

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 4:34 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • I wouldn't call CPS. Speaking as someone who has been percisely where she is, and i mean to the letter, mood swings, depression, in bed all day, scared to go back to meds because of the withdrawl of previous ones. Taking her kids when she is this depressed could really send her into a place no one wants her to be. (the kids also) BUT i would have a serious talk with her. Not in a condescending way or threatening way. More that you are worried about her and the kids and you think she should get some help. My mother offered to take my son when i was in this position and just that thought snapped me back to reality pretty quick and made me realize how bad I had gotten.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • There is a lot going on here. I know how frustrating, even infuriating it can be to see someone depressed and you just wanna smack them and say snap the hell out of it. But I also know how it is to be the one with the mental illness. And neither side of that situation is good. For one I would say, being so brutally honest, is probably having the opposite effect you want it to have. I've done it, and received it. When your depressed it doesn't help you. It makes you feel worse and you just get worse. So if you want to help, bite your tongue and focus more on getting her well instead of telling her what she is doing wrong. She will need to deal with her dh. If she believes him that's her business. I'd advise to not even get in the middle of that.

    Answer by Astraea_79 at 7:45 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • But she doesn't want help it seems. she has options and she's not using them! I have expressed my worry for her and her kids. You are damn right I want her to snap out of it. While she is all woe is me boo hoo, and not getting help her children suffer. She needs to suck it up stop using excuses. So you're sad everyone gets sad get over it!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:52 PM on May. 24, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.