Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Make plans or not WWYD?

So my ex is SUPPOSED to have our DD (4) this weekend. He only has daytime visitation so he should have sat from 1-5 and sun from 1-5. This was ordered to start March first and he lives 5 hours away so he gets this EOW. However, he had not shown up to EVEN ONE of his weekends, though he wanted to see her once when he came one MY weekend (I allowed it, just trying to keep the peace). He has come to town at least 3 times that I know of but chose not to see my dd, going out with his friends instead. Well on Friday, I called my ex to see if he was coming (he had said before he wasn't sure) but my DD was invited to a birthday party on Saturday and to go out on a friend's boat on Sunday after church. Of course I have to let these people know if we can make it or not before sat afternoon lol. Well he said he would let me know BY Monday "after work" I have this in a saved text message. Still haven't heard from him. At this point do you think it would be OK if I just go ahead with our plans since 1. I haven't heard from him by the time he said (and he was the one who set the deadline by saying "by Monday after work" and 2. he hasn't made a single on of his visits since it was ordered? I don't want to do anything that would get me in trouble in court but I would think the text msg he sent and my phone records that show he hasn't called or texted msged me would be enough to prove I wasn't doing anything wrong and that I reasonably thought he wouldn't be in town but I want to be sure or at least get some opinions on it. Honestly, I just don't think it is fair for my DD to give up two fun things this weekend when he doesn't even care enough to call.

Answer Question

Asked by JLS2388 at 4:07 PM on May. 24, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • If I were in your shoes I think I would RSVP to the party and the boat that you are most likely coming, and just politely explain to them that your DD is supposed to be with her father that day but that he rarely shows up on scheduled visitation days so you plan to attend. Let them know if that changes you will call to cancel asap. I would think most people would be understanding about that. Then DO NOT tell your dd about the plans until Saturday so she doesn't get her hopes up or get disappointed either way. If your ex doesn't show up then you will be able to surprise her with the outing, and if he does show up she won't know she is missing out. Legally, I don't know what your responsibilities are for being home when he is suppose to pick her up. Could you also call him back and see if he would switch weekends so that you can just make your plans and be done, then he can take her next weekend (if he shows up)? Good luck.

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:40 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • if he didnt rsvp on the time he specified text him back and tell him he lapsed on his timetable and now dd has other plans.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 5:29 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • save the texted and make notes about when he comes and when he doesnt.. you have the right to deny him visitation on occasions.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 5:30 PM on May. 24, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.