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I don't know what to do...*asked in another group as well*

I have a friend whose husband left on a deployment not too long ago they have been married alittle over three years. Well she just found some proof that her man is cheating on her, it's exchanges from his military email to craigslist ads soliciting to married men. Also she tells me her body is acting like it's pregnant but she's not pregnant. She has morning sickness, mood swings the whole bit. On top of this she is depressed. Now I have know this woman for 3 years. I have seen her ups and downs. She used to be on an antidepressant, but got off of it because it effected her in a bad way, and getting off of it was hell for her. So she is scared to take more medication. Now I know she's sad and all, but her kids are suffering. She doesn't get out of bed till 2pm. I try to get her to go outside, to the park or to the zoo. She says no, I try to get her up in the morning I was again told no. Now of late she has been not giving them meals. They will eat cereal out of a box and she has water and juice bottles in her room so that they can come to her to get their sippys refilled. But no real meals till dinnertime... This pisses me off. To see kids treated in such a way makes me want to take them from her. Will CPS do anything? Should I call? Also she complains about not feeling good, I am pregnant as well, I have morning sickness. I deal with it, so she should suck it up and be a good mom to her kids. I don't think I can be friends with her anymore because seeing the state her children are in, her house is in just clothes everywhere, they are clean but not put away. What should I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on May. 24, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (20)
  • I think you should help her, and if calling CPS is the help she needs then so be it. I think a real friend would not back out on her when she needs you the most. You know she needs help, by you not doing anything is also endangering those kids. Depression is not just being in a bad mood or not feeling good, its like a disease and she needs treatment.

    Answer by yesmaam at 4:25 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • But she is refusing to take pills. She was on an antidepressant before it screwed her up bad, she went through hell to get off of it. So now she's scared but she needs to get back on them. So what if you get dizzy and nauseous and feel electric zaps, you're kids are suffering I am not backing out, I am just tired of her excuses. Depression, body going through a fake pregnancy *I don't believe that one how is that possable?* and stress and sad because that he man may be cheating. Suck it up I say! I actually pregnant, I have an extremely hyper 2 year old. I am a militay wife as well. You think my plate is easy? I suck it up so can she and stop using her excuses!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:33 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • If she's truly depressed, than saying "suck it up" will only make her feel worse. Depression does cause people to have physical pain. As her friend, as frustrating as it is, this is the time when she needs you the most. They may be excuses to you, but to her, they are reasons. Pills aren't the only form of treatment. Maybe look into someone (a professional) for her to talk to. Sometimes a little positive renforcement is needed. I recommend looking into the book called Mindful Movements. It's written by a buddhist monk. There are 10 exercises that you could do with her. To overcome depression means taking on physical, mental and emotional well being, and the more you educate yourself about depression, the easier it will be for you to try and help her. It is an ILLNESS, and one to not be taken lightly.

    Answer by DJsMommy610 at 4:44 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • I would talk to her again. Tell her you are concerned that her kids are being neglected, and that she needs to see her psychiatrist or MD about the emotional problems that are causing the neglect. If she is unwilling to get help, you should call CPS. I don't know how old her children are, but they cannot be watching themselves while she is in the bedroom asleep. That is very dangerous.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 4:45 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • Does she have family you could call before you get her kids taken away because she is horribly depressed and needs help? You are not a doctor and just telling her she needs to take her kids to the park or ripping her a new one is not helpful. Your "sucking it up" by being pregnant, a military wife and taking care of kids is not the same as what she is going through. Her husband is apparently a cheating asshole so you two have entirely different problems. You need to quit comparing yourself to her, and you're not a saint just so you know, and be a real friend or get the hell away from the whole situation. What goes around comes around and guess what? It could be you someday who has a cheating husband so look up the definition of compassion. You might try some tact too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • A fake pregnancy is possible. My mom's friend in high school had one. I would believe that perhaps it could be an ulcer from all her stress making her feel like that. Are you home all day? If you are a real friend then go to her house and feed her kids or take her kids to your house. CPS should be the last resort and it sounds like to me that you could help in the situation. Her situation is not the same as yours. Her husband is cheating and she has medical issues that you do not have or have any sympathy for. From what you have said about the two of you, your plate is a lot easier than hers.

    Answer by JamieLK at 5:05 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • maybe counseling will help her?

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 5:26 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • If you are really her friend,then you need to be there for her. Drugs aren't the only answer. IT sounds like she needs some emotional support. Just because you say that you would handle it differently doesn't mean that she will. I'll bet that she has strengths in some areas that you are weak. If she doesn't have a support group you may be all she has. Motivate her, pray for her, and give her a helping hand.

    Answer by Proverbs_31 at 11:05 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • i am also a military wife, i have a mental illness and yes i have dealt with deployment (even had 2 kids alone). the greatest friends i had were the ones that took the time to help me not sat around and just told me to suck it up. depression is a mental illness and your friend needs help not someone telling her how lazy and aweful she is (may not be what you are saying but i know when people say suck it up to me that is what i hear). do a little research, there are natural things your friend can take for depression. only call cps if it is truely neccessary, but try to help her first.

    Answer by tiffanyv123 at 6:36 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • If she's not eating properly, then yes, she can get that queasy feeling. I didn't know what morning sickness was until I was pregnant with my first, but my first "boyfriend" broke up with me, and I felt sick all the time...didn't hardly eat, anything. It feels almost the exact same way (I had non-stop "morning" sickness with all 4 of my kids). So its possible she's not eating properly, and that's why she feels sick all the time.

    And, BTW, you don't have the right to tell her to "suck it up." You aren't her, you aren't in her exact position. I've gone through 4 deployments now, 3 of them with 4 kids (first one we only had 2 at the time), and my husband is getting ready to go on a 5th deployment soon. So, yeah, I also know how hard it is, but I would never tell someone whom I thought was depressed to just suck it up. I would try my hardest to get them help.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 9:47 AM on May. 25, 2011

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