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2 Bumps

The hard questions??

So in helping my son finish his bobcat requirments we had to go thorugh a list of "what if's". These are what if someone wants to touch your or see you naked type situations. This is not the first time we have had the "good touch bad touch" talk. We have had it quite often. One of the questions were about people offering rides. We went over a list of who is okay and everyone else is not unless I say otherwise.

I was molested as a child. we live in the same city as my abuser (my dad). My son does know my dad. he has met him a few times at family functions. My mom and dad are not to be alone with my kids... period. If I am not around, they cannot be around my kids. My mom was abusive, and my dads enabler (she still does not believe what happened). I told him that grandma and grandpa were not allowed to pick him up or to be alone with him.

he asked why? He is only 7. I don't know if he is old enough to hear the truth. We have had the good touch bad touch talk, but I don't think he is ready to understand why we have that talk. I don't want to explain to him what molestation is, or have to explain what happened to me.

What would you do?

Answer Question
 
daughteroftruth

Asked by daughteroftruth at 11:43 PM on May. 24, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 19 (7,602 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I have always felt it best to be honest, to a point. Tell him you're parents make you uncomfortable when you're alone with them and you don't want him to feel the same way.
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 11:51 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • If I may ask because I have dealt with the same thing abuser/enabler situation, why do you even deal with them? It's not only bad for you to have gone thew that but you are allowing your kid to be around people like that. I can only imagine why he is asking you this. It is very confusing for a child. I despited my family for not protecting me.
    SMITxsM2

    Answer by SMITxsM2 at 11:59 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • Through not threw
    SMITxsM2

    Answer by SMITxsM2 at 11:59 PM on May. 24, 2011

  • SmitxsM2,

    My mom left my dad, and I have been trying to rebuild a relationship with her. However, I don't not trust her. Probably never will. I interact with my siblings. Every so often, he shows up at their house. I refuse to flee every time he shows up. And I've came to a point in my life that I want to interact with my family, and I refuse to hide away just because he exists. He took enough away from me as a child, he's not taking my family from me as well. Most of my family does not know what happened, only what my parents told them.... Those that have asked I have been honest with.
    daughteroftruth

    Comment by daughteroftruth (original poster) at 12:29 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I'm sorry but none of your family sounds good for you at all. There is no way in hell I would allow any abuser, especially a child abuser, around any of my family, even if the are family or not, they would be knocked out cold on the ground if they thought they were stepping a foot near my house. I would be fleeing from every single one of these people. End of story. Abusers don't just change without any help and still, that doesn't guarantee anything. Being a mom is one the most precious gifts ever, it is your sole duty to maintain yours and your son integrity. IMO everybody should know. He deserves the disgrace.
    SMITxsM2

    Answer by SMITxsM2 at 1:46 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Personally, I don't believe there is ever a to young for the truth.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:42 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I would answer your son, but not necessarily tell him the whole truth. You can say that grandpa has done some bad things to other kids and that you don't want him to have the opportunity to do the same things to your child. You don't have to connect it to a good touch/bad touch discussion.

    JSD24

    Answer by JSD24 at 10:14 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Tell him as much as he needs to know to keep him safe, and not more than he's ready to handle. It's not an age thing as much as knowing your child and knowing what they are ready to process.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:36 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Thanks for the advice ladies, I have a lot to consider before I speak with him later. But your advice does help. Thanks again.
    daughteroftruth

    Comment by daughteroftruth (original poster) at 3:07 PM on May. 25, 2011

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