Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Losing a Grandparent..

(Not too sure if this is the right place for this, but it is a very important relationship)

Hey, Y'all..I'm not quite too sure how far this will go, but.. Here goes nothing.

I'm 22yrs old, pregnant with my first child..My only living Grandparent is my Mothers mother..She's so lost in Alzheimer's disease that she doesn't even know who she is, let alone anyone else..She has not been able to eat, drink, sit, stand, bathe or do any of the things we all do on a daily basis for as long as I can remember.. As of today, my mother agreed to put her in Hospice instead of keeping her in the regular nursing home. Which means.. They're taking her off all medicines that are prolonging her life, except to keep her comfortable.. She IS keeping her feeding tube, though. She has no quality of life, and I, along with the rest of my family feel that it is best that she go. They're saying now that she could last up to a few more months...

While all I have is childhood memories of my Grandmother, obviously my heart is aching. Not only because I'm losing my last Grandparent. But because I wanted for my child, and maybe for myself to have a picture of the baby, and my Grandmother, even if it were just one picture. I wanted the baby to know one of the strongest, most wonderful women I've ever had the pleasure to being a part of. I'm battling emotions over losing her, along with hurting because I wanted so badly for my child to have some piece of her.

I'm curious as to if this is normal, if I'm over thinking things, if anyone has had a similar experience, and how I might be able to handle it, for me, my mother, and my whole family in General..

Answer Question
 
Momma2be11

Asked by Momma2be11 at 12:07 AM on May. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 6 (112 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Losing someone you love is never easy. The first time I lost someone I was REALLY close to was three and a half years ago. I was 21 at the time, actually I had turned 21 two days earlier. I had talked to my uncle the day before. The weather was bad and I hadn't seen him in a few days. We joked a little, he told me he'd see me soon, said Happy Birthday. Told me he loved me-as he always did. Growing up, my dad never said it..and my mom stopped saying it when I was little. I always knew they did, they just weren't very emotional. Anyway, I never said it back because of that, I would always say "Yeah...." Well, the next night, I went out to celebrate my birthday. Around 10:30, I started to feel sick all of a sudden. It was really weird. I had plans to stay out all night. A few hours later, one of my brothers called me. I answered the phone and he said "I have some bad news..Uncle Rick just died. He had a heart attack." I LOST IT!
    Bubbles318

    Answer by Bubbles318 at 12:12 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Wow! I am SO sorry to hear that. I could not imagine losing someone that important to me that close to my birthday. >>>Hugs<<
    Momma2be11

    Comment by Momma2be11 (original poster) at 12:14 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • When I say "LOST IT," I mean it! I started crying. I was in disbelief. I repeated "No, no, NO!" My uncle and I were always close. He was my godfather and we had a great bond from the beginning. He even used to tell me how I was such a great kid-his kids didn't turn out so well to say the least. The next few days were blur. The funeral was horrible. The next year was really tough. I actually got pregnant a few months later and KNEW that I wanted to name my baby after my uncle, somehow. When I found out I was having a girl, I came up with Ericka. This was the best way I could honor my uncle and keep him close to my heart forever. When she was born, she was really sick, deathly ill. I used to ask my dad why he wasn't helping and my dad said that they-meaning ones we love who've passed-can't interfere. After she started to improve, I had a dream that those in the paranormal society say, if they're vivid, are "visits..."
    Bubbles318

    Answer by Bubbles318 at 12:17 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Well, in the dream, my uncle came walking out. I walked over to him and said "Did you know I had a baby?" He said "Yeah." I said, "Did you know I named her after you?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Were you ever around, especially when she was really sick?" He said, "I was always there. You just couldn't see me." To this day, I get goosebumps thinking about that. (I just did, actually.) So although they never met in person, I believe they have met. I also believe that they have a connection-one I may not fully know about until she gets a little older. I truly believe that he had a part in her sudden, amazing recovery. And I think your grandmother will always be there, even if she's not "here." She'll keep an eye on you and will always be around, especially when you need her most.
    Good luck to you! Keep your head up! I'll be thinking about you all! (Sorry this was so long!)
    Bubbles318

    Answer by Bubbles318 at 12:22 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Any loss is hard, and you have a right to want your child to have a piece of ancestry, my great aunt has alzheimers and it was so painful because I didn't meet her until a couple of years ago and we clicked instantly but after that I found out she was in a home and she had alzheimers, I would call to check on her and she didn't know who I was and they would tell me to contact her in the middle of the day because that's when it was at its mildest she's still alive but its like she's not here, her spirit is gone, but as I said before you completely have a right to feel that way but you gotta try and be strong for your mom its gonna be hard for her just try to get some pictures or maybe a piece of jewelry to pass down to your baby good luck mama I'm here for you if you just need to talk or vent
    toybar02

    Answer by toybar02 at 12:35 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Any family member loss is hard, and even more so if you have been close with them. Being as your pregnant it's probably affecting you more about your child seeing your Gr-mother and making you more upset right now, if you were pregnat at another time maybe it wouldn't affect you quite the same or as hard. But yes it sounds lkie a normal reaction, but I'm sure she will be watching over you and your sweet baby when it arrives. Blessings to you and yours.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 12:53 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother:( Reading your story brings tears to my eyes. I lost my grandma 3 months ago. She was very very close to me and also the only grandparent i have ever known. I had a feeling that i was pregnant but i didnt tell her. She was on and off life support for 2 months before she passed and i wanted her to focus on her recovery and not a new baby. I have a an 8 year old son who had the pleasure of knowing her and growing up around her so i feel a lil sad that this child wont get to personally know her. However just knowing that i was pregnant around her while she was alive even though she didnt know i was pregnant really puts my mind to ease. It might sound wierd but i feel like my grandmas presence around me before she passed was great enough to leave an impact on my lil one:) So your feelings are normal and you'll still have many more feelings to come. Good luck and bless you and your family
    noelsbaybay

    Answer by noelsbaybay at 1:25 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • This is not easy for anyone, but maybe this will help....

    I have been able to share my grandmother with my little ones through the stories I tell them of her. Maybe have everyone at the funeral write a story about her in a book for generations to come? My grandma crocheted a blanket which I will pass to my daughter when I she stops wetting the bed.
    While I know this time is tough, the joy of your pregnancy can help your family cope. Maybe it's gods way of helping you too?
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 11:19 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • P.s. Maybe you could name your baby after your grandma?
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 11:20 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I'm sorry about your loss. I lost my Grandmother almost a year ago this May and it still hurts. My children were fortunate to meet her and share quality time with her but my youngest daughter (5) will eventually forget about her as time goes on...so a few years ago, I had to gather information for our family tree and in that family tree, I wrote a little biography of everyone. Maybe you can do this with your grandmother so your child can have it in the years to come...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:05 PM on May. 25, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN