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3 Bumps

Cheating...

My husband and i's relationship is so blah. We have no energy, no spark...and its just very boring..
I would never feel good about fooling around with someone just to get the attention that my husband isnt giving...but would "talking" to another man be just as bad? By talking..i mean like talking to a man that makes me feel good about myself and gives me attention period!.. sounds stupid to ask this...but i am being completely serious. I know staying with my husband is right for our family..but i feel like im wasting my life away in this relationship...its just so blah. Were laying in bed tonight and it is his second day off work and he didnt even try to come on to me. Pissed me off...i just feel like im just suppose to be here to fullfill HIS needs when HE is wanting it. Has nothing to do with what i need emotionally or physically.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on May. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Sounds like you are in a rut. It happens to the best of people. Maybe you should talk to him and try to make things spark again. Maybe try and suprise him with something that will wow him. Make him want to make youwanted. Do something unexspected, try something new. As far as just talking to someone I personally don't see the harm in it, but first try to get out of the rut with your husband.
    MommyMJean

    Answer by MommyMJean at 12:36 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Have you tried putting the moves on him? just a thought, my SO isnt always in the mood either, but to ur question about the other man, there is nothing wrong with having a friend, or talking, as long as it is just a friendship, nothing more, just dont put yourself in a compromising situation that would hurt your marriage. I get everything I need from my SO, but when I was married to my EX.. it wasnt always so, it was nice to have a friend to talk to.
    sarahlu

    Answer by sarahlu at 12:37 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Talk to him about what you are feeling. Talking to another man seems innocent, but it could potentially lead to more. Some extra marital relationships start out very innocent and slowly progress. You may need to have that "I'm not happy in this relationship" talk and figure out what sort of effort could be made so that you are not bored and your husband is acknowledging that you are still vibrant, alive and needing affection and attention.
    socialworker227

    Answer by socialworker227 at 12:37 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I think talking to another man for attention is just as bad as having a physical affair if not worse. As women we love with our whole being, making it impossible for you to keep talking to another man strictly platonic. At somepoint, you will start to fall for him and have emotions that you are entitled to have as a wife and as a woman. I would recommend you talking with your husband and maybe get some therapy. Yes it is good for your family to stay together, but after you have done all you can to fix it and get it back to where it was and it still doesnt change, the kids will know. Kids are very smart and they can read between the lines before you even figure it out. stay faithful in your marriage. If you must cheat, then end your marriage. Let that be your decision, not another man, but that you have had enough and you deserve better.
    XANDERSMOM2005

    Answer by XANDERSMOM2005 at 12:39 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Sounds like your both in a rut and need to have a serious heart to heart about what the problem is and how the 2 of you can fix it, if that's what you want to do, fix it. We all have hard times in our marriages, and sometimes we or maye men esp. seem to take us for granted, so for the sake of your marriage you need to be able to tell your S/O how you feel or don't feel. Tell him his lack of interest in you is not helping make you feel loved the way you want to be loved, but your the only one who knows if your relationship is worth fixing.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 12:40 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Yeah i defintely want to fix it. But i cant tell you how many times i have had the "Im not happy in this relationship" talk. I just feel like he doesnt LISTEN to me. He works nights so he is working a lot...especially here lately...but i cant tell you how many times we have had the conversation of how i feel and nothing changes! My sister had an affair and she feels so alive with this other guy...because her husband just wouldnt listen to her when she would talk to him about it and she feels so good with this other guy...she feels happy...thats what i wanna feel, without saying or doing the act of cheating. its hard to explain...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:48 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Then if you think you have exhausted the conversation and you can honestly say you have done all you can. Then I would say seperate. Go and find your self someone who is going to treat you the way you deserve and need to be treated. The way you feel is going to reflect on your kids and rest of your family. I just dont want you to leave when you find someone else, because then your decision to leave will never be your own. It will always be because of the "new guy." Stand on your own2 feet that way he (your husband) can't take it away from you. Wish you the best
    XANDERSMOM2005

    Answer by XANDERSMOM2005 at 12:53 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Well, there is nothing wrong w/ talking to a guy but it sounds like you are asking if emotional cheating is OK and it's not.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 12:55 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • First of all, I am very sorry about the hurt you are going through. Personally, I believe it is wrong to get any kind of fulfillment from another man, whether emotional or physical. Have you and your husband considered getting any kind of professional counseling/help? If it's beneficial to you guys, I know getting involved in an activity with my husband is very refreshing for me/us- we find something we're both interested in or interested in learning about, and do it together. I think you're doing the right thing and I don't think you're wasting your time at all. Clearly you and your husband fell in love for a reason and decided to get married for a reason. After having children two people are going to grow and change some. Maybe y'all just need to rediscover that "spark" that made you two fall in love in the first place. Praying for the best for you and your husband and your family. God bless and I hope things work out.
    Arielles_Mommy

    Answer by Arielles_Mommy at 1:00 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I agree with some of the other moms..If u have talked b4 and he didnt listen then i would say seperate and talk 2 other people if thats what you wanna do but leave ur hubby first. If u want to work it out however you could try counseling bc if ur not getting the point across a therapist can help relay the message to ur DH that ur unhappy and that u have needs to not just him..GL! Hope it works out 4 u!!
    Heather021287

    Answer by Heather021287 at 2:11 AM on May. 25, 2011

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